Juanita Bynum: The Do’s and Don’ts of Christian Dating

Being the woman that I am, I naturally had to- as I sadly do on a weekly basis- research the net on “Dating Tips/Advice for Christian Singles”. I’ve actually decided to share bits and pieces of what I’ve learnt (it is a lot!) during my “Forever Friends” class, headed by Pastor Michael Omawumi Efueye (Resident Pastor of House on The Rock, The London Lighthouse) over the next couple of weeks. The book analyzed and taught during that class is Selwyn Hughes’ Marriage as God Intended, a must-read! Anyway, once started, I’m aiming to make at least one corresponding entry per week (no promises).. it’s an aim that might, or might not, be achieved.*shrug*

Anyway, so, I just came across this excerpt of Juanita Bynum’s famous book No More Sheets on Belief Net, and have decided to share a bit of it on my blog (you can purchase the book online).

There are differing views- especially among Christians- as to what’s ok and what’s not during dating and/or courting. Sex is an obvious no-no, the Bible is very clear on that. What about cuddling? Kissing? Sleeping in the same bed? What’s ok, and what is not? Is there a clear line, or is it blurry? Do we draw our own limitations, is it a personal decision? What’s your opinion? Do you agree with the following points? I’ve obviously read through them, and know quite a few of my close friends who’d laugh off half of them. What do you feel is absolutely paramount (quintessential), somewhat important, or rather insignificant when dating? When do you discuss serious issues such as past relationships, information that could eventually lead to a “deal-breaker”, or do you discuss such things at all? How do you feel about restrictions and limitations set by Scripture (which should be uncompromisable), your pastor (spiritual counsel), family members and the likes? Do you feel any of the previously mentioned might be the reasons for your current marital status? (No pun intended.)

***Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect mine.***

***

You control how a man treats you! Before you make the decision to begin embracing your new life style, I’m going to list a few do’s and don’ts– for your dating pleasure.

Dating DO’s

  • 1) If someone you have a strong attraction for, or vice versa, invites you to an evening event, make it a group thing.
  • 2) Allow him to pursue you. Remember a real man will.
  • 3) Always keep your first seven dates filled with educational and cultural things. It helps to stimulate the intellect and not the sex drive.
  • 4) On the first date dress conservatively, the attention must not be drawn to any part of your physical body. When you dress naked, you leave nothing to the imagination and you cause him never to tap into the real person that you are!
  • 5) Always insist on him meeting your family and friends….
  • 6) If you are very serious about your interest in a person, before there is any talk of marriage always insist that he meet your pastor–shepherds can see farther than the sheep can….
  • 7) If it’s just a friendship, on the first two or three dates the bill should be shared. If he is pursuing you, then he should pay the bill.

Dating DON’Ts

  • 1) Never start talking about marriage on the first seven dates.
  • 2) Never sit at home idle, waiting for him to call you.
  • 3) If he comes to take you out and it’s past 9:30, don’t go because you know what he came for…and it’s not for your knowledge of the Word. That’s a call, girlfriend, and you know what kind of call it is. Also: Do not allow a potential mate to call your house after 12 midnight. Especially while lying in bed. Reclining brings on a different aura. Sit up and stay focused.
  • 4) Never allow a man to blow his horn for you. Let him come to your door, ask for you properly, and escort you to the car. Anything could happen to you while coming out of the house. You need to feel like he’s your protection.
  • 5) Never discuss your financial status with a man early on in your relationship. And never, never, never, ever accept money from a man or ask him to assist you in your financial affairs. Remember he is not Jehovah-Jireh, your provider.
  • 6) And last but not least…when you make a decision to have sex with any man that does not possess godly qualities, you WILL contract something that is deadlier than a disease. Remember, the Bible teaches that when a relationship is consummated, the two shall become one. Therefore, you must be careful as to what spirit is about to step inside of you.
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19 Comments Add yours

  1. Martina says:

    I love that book!!!!

  2. DeMorrieaux says:

    BumsBums!!

    (diversion: did u get my txt msg?? hehe
    I’ve missed u.. not even joking *sighs* )

    You love the book.. but do you REALLY agree with all the points?
    (I know the answer lol so don’t even try sayin “Yh yh”)

    Share your views! xXx

  3. Babatunde says:

    Hallo Vicky,

    hoffe dir gehts gut im Land der kleinen Menschen 😛

    Die oben stehenden Ratschläge sind überzogen. Beziehungen zwischen Menschen sind keine Computerprozesse. Es ist anmaßend jemanden vermeintlich den berühmten Roten Faden in die Hand zu geben. Es zeugt aber von geistiger Reife auf Veränderungen, die kommen, entsprechend zu reagieren um diese bei bedarf in den Griff zu bekommen.
    Warum sollte man nicht um halb Zehn anrufen? Kann doch sein das die andere Person am anderen Ende des Landes ist und man einfach nur die Stimme hören will.

    Ich persönlich kann mit solchen Ratgebern, trotz der tatsache das ich christlich bin, nichts anfangen. Denn auch diese sind subjektiv und spiegeln nur einen Bruchteil des Lebens wieder.

    Viele Grüße aus Deutschland
    Babatunde

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Nice.

      Ja, natuerlich sind einige der Ratschlaege ueberzogen.
      Wir (Freunde in London) hatten schon mal eine heisse Debatte uebr das Thema “First Date”.
      Es meinten einige, dass sie sich niemals mit einem Typen alleine treffen wuerden, und bei nem ersten Treffen IMMER eine Freundin dabei haben muessen) Die Freunde, von denen ich spreche, sind etliche Jahre aelter als ich!) und da ists natuerlich ruck-zuck laut und heiss geworden.

      Juanita B. schlaegt das selbe vor. Wie gut lernt man einen Menschen aber wirklich kennen, mit dem hinzugefuegten Druck vor der Freundin der Interessierten gut rueber-zu kommen? Und, wieso sollte ich meine Freundin mitnehmen? Was macht sie waehrend ich mich mit ihm unterhalte? Nein, das macht das ganze noch viel komplizierter. Bei nem ersten Treffen sind ja ohnedies (bis zu einem bestimmten Grad) beide Parteien nervoes.. es waer unoetiger Druck.

      Ich nehm aber doch an, dass es mehr darum geht einen kompletten Fremden- den man womoeglich garnicht kennt (Internet? k.A.) nicht alleine zu treffen.. aus Sicherheitsgruenden? Naja, ich wuerds aber auch nicht unbedingt als Gebot anerkennen.. Vorsicht ist gegebener/gesunder Menschenverstand.

      Lg aus Chinaaaa 🙂

  4. Martina says:

    Yes i got ur text baby…unfortunately u chopped all my credit when i called u

    Back to the topic at hand: *cough*
    It all sounds good BUT in reality things are not black and white. Vikki u already know me jare so let me not say too much.
    Kudos to anyone who successfully followed all the steps mentioned in the book 🙂

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      I chopped? Hahaha.. you should get a calling card and call my regularly!!
      Mike’s been doing a great job (maybe cos he’s bored? dunno..) but he’s been calling at least 3 times/ week *kisses.hugs* to him
      since you have called me once, oya- collect handshake *lol*

      Anyway, back to the topic:
      As already said (to Babatunde.. thank goodness I won’t have to translate) most of the advice is really subjective. It probably makes a sense of sense to a lot of ppl, but not all of them are a given.

      eg. Do 5 & 6: Surely, I would have prayed about it first and THEN told others to join me (eg parents and pastor/spiritual heads); rather than reversing that order. Would it be right to introduce someone to your parents you’re not yet sure of? As a parent, I’d think that tp be irresponsible and rude.
      That was yesterday’s debate on TheNakedConvo Blog (you’d love it!! just by the way). Surely, there is no way I’d bring a guy home (or meet his family) if we’re not yet sure it’s a definite. You don’t want to be the daughter that has brought home a number of guys.. *smh*. I like Fran’s style: get to know ppl, go out; hang out; have fun.. once you’re sure it’s something more than just friendship, you adjust yourself, but still keep it on a “down-low” for as along as need be.. and then, once you feel very comfortable, you “let ppl know” or are at least not too bothered when they do. Until marriage has been discussed and a ring been given- no need to broadcast it.

  5. The Lady says:

    – I believe the Word of God is my guide. It’s difficult already as it is, but the Bible has given us all we need to lead a rich and fulfilling life. Man shouldn’t add any unnecessary laws!

    – Pastors often see the need (bless them, many with good and innocent intentions) to tell their fold what and what not to do. Well, we live in a perverse and crooked generation, so many ppl really do need to hear the Word and the Truth over and over again; but pls.. make sure it really IS the truth. These days, men rather hear what their itching ears want to hear, than the truth. That is sad, but I still think it is dangerous to “make up” rules and regulations that are not outlined in God’s Word.

    – Remember: All advice given, is ADVICE. As a mature adult I am responsible for my actions, and so ar you. Make sure you’re aware of and comfortable with what you’re doing. Whatever result you get from it- will be your doing. You don’t want to look back, feeling you were “robbed” of any major decisions.

    – The only one thing I guess is very vald: Let him play his part, while you play yours! There are things I expect of him (no need for details), while there are things he can expect from me as well. Communicate these, and you’ll be fine.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      I completely agree. If one is not wise or mature enough to make important decisions or form healthy conclusions in relation to oneself; then one is def not ready to be in a serious romantic relationship; not to talk of marriage.

      However, I strongly believe that many principles we understand (mentally), we fail to live by (physically).. “The spirit is willing, the flesh is weak” often sounds like an excuse, but really is true for most people.. There are many who constantly need to be reminded (and sadly “checked”) of the standards they have already personally decided to live by/up to. And pastors- seeing as it’s their duty- are the one’s “re-enforcing” these.. sometimes, perhaps, with more force or rights than should..

  6. TEE!!!!!!!! says:

    i agree with some of the stuff,but found it hard to digest a few firstly,

    under the DO’S (5) Always insist on him meeting your family and friends… why should i introduce him to my family and friends when i may not even be sure of my feelings for him. then things just get messy cos your are now inviting people into a pending relationship. as a Nigerian ( i know most Nigerian girls would agree) getting your mothers hopes up for no reason.
    (7) If it’s just a friendship, on the first two or three dates…….etc…. A guy should pay regardless of whether he is a friend or not. I do not believe he should be exempt from his duties as a man simply because he is a friend. This my friend is how chivalry dies !!!!!!

    under the DON’Ts
    (3) If he comes to take you out and it’s past 9:30, don’t go because you know what he came …….etc
    like honestly come on you should not go out with him after 9.30?????? is it just me or does this sound ridiculous to you as well. what has 9.30 got to do with anything (i wonder how the author settled on this time and why not 9.15 0r 9.45 or even 8.45 sef)
    are u telling me if for instance i’m dating an investment banker or someone who works equally crazy hours that if he is free to take me out after 9.30 i should not go????? (lol abeg don’t kill me) i should now tell him errrrm sorry my cut off time is 9.30????? when it is not like there is something else that i have to do (kmt)

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      LOOOOOL Toyin-mama,

      re: 5) Yes, so I guess we all agree- introducing him to family members gast be a joke.. especially if the two of you havent agreed on whether you’re actually settling down or not o_O actually quite common sense..

      re: 7) lol! at the end of the day, it just shows how much of “being a man” that person really understands. dutch-style hardly works for most Nigerian/African men anyway because they’d see it as an insult. *phew*

      as for 3) LOOOOL.. u gast ask madam. I get the point of not going out too late.. but then again, if it’s not breakfast (x_X) or lunch, meeting after work is probably going to end up into/past 9.30 any-which-way…

  7. Fran says:

    as always, utterly amusing..
    not gon bother adding my two cent as it’ll hardly matter..
    Tee!!! love you comment
    massive lol @ why not 9.15 or 9.45..

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      aunty franka

      who said it’ll hardly matter??
      if franka doesnt comment, who will?
      abegiii share ur two, abi na 1, abi na 1/2 cents :p

      btw: thx for all the propaganda u’ve been doin on my behalf
      *shocked* it’s been crazy traffic ever since lol

      xxx

      post scriptum: check ur emails 🙂

  8. TEE says:

    Come on Fran what’s your opinion?

  9. DeMorrieaux says:

    You heard it Fran, what do you agree/disagree with??

  10. Mr.Egusi says:

    She made some good points! very good easy points…
    In fact men can learn from this too.

  11. Mr.Egusi says:

    But do Christians date?….shouldn’t this be “Courtship”?

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      yh.. we’ve had that discussion in church quite a few times.. ppl arguing about the difference between dating and courting.. as per me oh, wishevawon u wan call am.. ko marra to me

  12. Big7 says:

    Hey just wanted to give you a brief heads up
    and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading properly.

    I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and
    both show the same results.

feel free to say something..

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