Broken Heart…

I have felt many emotions; some more, some less intense; but this was a somewhat new one. I have loved many people; once again: some more, some less: but this was something completely different.

You know how it is: you meet someone new, and you’re not sure of what to think of him (alternatively for male readers, her) but decide to give the other a chance anyway. You spend some time together, have shallow conversations, reluctantly decide to open up a bit more, find out you actually have quite a bit in common, and eventually discover a liking for each other.

Human encounters usually start with either uncertainty or indifference and- well, admittedly more not than often- result in something deeper, pleasurable, meaningful, satisfactory. Then- before you know it- you realize you’ve probably spent too much time wondering about your feelings, analyzing them, dissecting them, than just allowing them be; letting them flow.. through your body and your soul (lol, pardon the poetic streak). But anyway, bottom-line is: You all too often spend way much time thinking, than actually doing.

And this has happened to me….again! Je ne regret de rien, but …

After a 17-hr journey over China, half of Asia, Russia and Europe, I’m finally back in London and have mixed feelings about it. To be perfectly honest, I knew this was going to happen. It kind of always does.. *sighs* While I was looking forward to seeing everyone again, I cried over having to leave a city I have completely fallen in love with; as Shanghai has become more than just a temporary residence for me. It has become more than just another place I have set foot on; yes, indeed more than just yet another location.. it has become a sort of hOme. I write home with reservation because- having lived and loved (- insert cough-) in many places, I have realized that the more places I travel to and/or reside in, the more places I get attached to, the more places I love, friends I make, and emotions I experience. The more places I visit, the more love I feel for them, and as a result thereof- having to eventually leave- the more pieces of my heart are spread and scattered all over the place.

..A heart broken into pieces.

In a way, I guess, it’s not half as bad as having your heart broken by a fellow human being. You might love (wo)man without being loved back by the same. Such absurdities don’t happen with places: cities always love back! It is practically impossible for them no to- they solemnly exist for the edification and pleasure, existence and comfort, security and purpose of man. A city always loves man, as it could not be without at least one. Its love is stable, unfailing, eternal. This might sound all too romantic; but what do you do when you’re in love with more than just one?

Do you go and gather the pieces or do you just move on.. get over it.. and hope to fall in love again.. perhaps with some one/place else?


20 Comments Add yours

  1. Tyo says:

    Mon bébé,

    Is this post about a city or a person?


    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Wow! That was quick!! lol.. Good question; not sure myself.

      *sigh and sob*

  2. Tyo says:

    Il ya quelque chose que je dois savoir?

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Not really, cos I honestly didn’t meet anyone.
      Well, of course- I met lots of people and made some lovely “friends” but nothing/no one “romantic”. Actually LOL- I’ll tell you on skype (way too much to type up here) but no, nothing in the romantic direction.. at all.. *sighs*

      I don’t know..apart from the fact that there’s always so much going on in my head, I really do feel in love with many places and it’s somewhat disturbing. There are at least 3 cities I’d still love to live in, but I am worried about my emotional state. In a way, I really do think I get more attached to places than people (not counting Vienna, my home!!) and experience a strong longing to return.. to all of these.. sooner or later. This might not necessarily be a bad thing, but I sure don’t want it to get any worse/ more intense. It unsettles me; makes me feel uneasy. MOre so, as I really wish to settle down (don’t roll your eyes), have a proper “job” (you know what I mean lol) and help build a home (once again, I know you understand)..

      Now I’m ranting..

  3. Tyo says:

    This “problem” is a simple one..en réalité, il n’ya pas des problemes..

    I would say you have really LIKED many places a LOT.. you have not yet fallen in love at all. Maybe it just shows that none of these places stood out in a special way.. they are all on the same level for you (apart from your hometown, little perfect and pretty Vienna).

    BUT To me it sounds more than a longing for something more than just “places and people”. I know it’s about what you experience in the ciy. It is about how those places make you feel. How you feel about yourself in them.

    To me it sounds like a cry for something “more, deeper, more pleasurable, satisfactory” etc. Maybe you are really looking for something else. I will also be romantic now and guess you are looking for l’amour 🙂

    Mon bébé, le temps, le temps…

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      I am looking for love? LOL and when or where was that ever a secret? :O
      To be perfectly clear though: I am not so much looking for, as I am waiting/believing for it.
      You know how old-fashioned etc. I am.. anyway, story for another day (perhaps tmr? lol)

      Anyway, yes.. I know I’d probably feel very different if I had met someone nice in any of these places. I keep thinking of a lovely new friend of mine (Carina, by name) who has lived all over the world, but considers Fiji her home. She has a very strong longing for it: apart from the fact that it was the place she loved the most (environment, lifestyle etc) it is the place she found her love (or was found by him, whichever way) and is attached to the most. She does not feel complete outside of it, and constantly seeks to return..

      In a way, I feel like that too- deep down; just that I do not know where that place is. Maybe it’s because that “special someone” is still out there somewhere, and I am unconsciously (or maybe even very consciously lol) hoping to be connected to him soon.. wherever he may be; and hence feel that void.. ?! arggggh.. I don’t know.. all these emotions are too much for a blog lol

  4. Tyo says:

    Haha.. Is it? You’ve shared many emotional things on your blog anyway.
    So don’t stop more. It makes it more “real and personal”.

    I know how it is (you are) though, so I won’t worry too much. You’ll be fine in the morning.. or latest when your heart has been mended by your Christian Prince Charming with an MBA, perfect language skills, and project management experience.

    Oh btw: jet-lagged??

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      You know, I’ve just noticed this is our longest blog-chat ever *singing.dancing.jubilating*

      Are you off work? Where are you/ what are you doing?

      Jet-lagged? Wouldn’t call it that per-se, but I am def feeling the time-difference.. waking up at 4am; and wanting to go back to bed at 8pm.. it’s weird; but I’ll give it a couple of days.

      It’s way past my bedtime. I’m off now 🙂 xXx my Prince!

      1. Tyo says:

        JET-LAGGED: “A temporary disruption of normal circadian rhythm caused by high-speed travel across several time zones typically in a jet aircraft, resulting in fatigue, disorientation, and disturbed sleep patterns.”
        – The American Heritage® Science Dictionary

        Rest well.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hmmmm…nice one.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Who art thou?

  6. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also…when you finally find that treasure, wherever ‘he’ is, you would come to love 🙂

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Why is your “he” in parenthesis?? hehe
      Buy yea, you’re definitely right..
      This HE should kuku come.. *sighs*

      1. I should have said when the treasure finds you and also I wanted to stress that your post was not about ‘he’….would have been an intriguing one if it was sha….plenty thoughts in my head jare…#okbye!

        1. DeMorrieaux says:

          you inspire me..
          actually, this reminds me of a post I was tempted to write at some point last week..

          you know what.. i WILL write it 🙂

  7. Kayshawy says:

    Yeah go ahead and write it! I’ll wait for it! A lil vanity is not a bad thing 🙂

  8. Phoenix says:

    LOl! I beg to differ oh! Cities can actually NOT love back! Amsterdam did not love me from the first few moments I spent at Schipol, she made it apparent that I was not welcome.

    In answer to your question, yes, I move on. Or rather to be honest, I try not to give my heart to each city (Lagos stole mine, so did NY and Paris).

    I caress each city, watch it move, make love to it but never, ever give my heart to it. Because I know . But in the odd case where the city has stolen my heart, I just put the fragment in a glass case so whenever I return to that city, we can pick up where we left off.

    Oh yeah, and no, I am not a city whore. Lover maybe.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      lol @ city whore.
      It’s easier to love palces than it is to love people *sighs in shame*

      and YES.. cities love.. maybe citizens don’t lol but cities tho.. how does a city hate its source of beings? *scratches head in confusion*

      …and.. Lagos stole your heart? When? How? and Where exactly?
      Wasn’t aware of the fact Lagos could do that.. I’ve heard of it “stealing” ppl’s lives tho :p

  9. redline says:

    Ur not serious… The title should be sad/upset not heartbroken. I feel the same pain too. Finally translocated to Florida… lol. Now my new home for the next ‘I wonder how long’. Am begining to categorise myself as a wanderer. I miss my long spell cities and its still hard to get over them. But at the end of the day every city is a new adventure. And every good adventure is worth being grateful for I guess.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Tunji!!!! You are a very naughty and bad friend!!
      So you left NY without allowing me to come and enjoy small?
      You are really beginning to show your true colours!
      Try leaving Florida without first flying me in and treating me like a Californian princess.. and you will see what will happen to you *sigh and dob*
      O ti disappoint me shaaaaa 😦

      (ps: what about work?? x)

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