Doing this has been on my mind for a very long time; so today, I AM.
This will not be a beautifully written post, it will simply be one from my heart.
“A Tribute to My Friend Ayo/ Joy/ Peace/ Hate. Just to tell him/her how much I loved her. You will never be forgotten.”
Excuse me but *urgggggh* I hate reading such! I hate tributes.. from the very bottom of my heart. I hate them because- in my belief- they come late.. very late.. too late! What’s the point of appreciating a person that has since passed on? What joy does the particular individual derive from it? His loved ones might feel honoured or acknowledged for a few hours, max. a day, but what does the corpse get out of it? Zilch! It.Is.Not.Fair.
Why wait for persons to pass on, before saying that you “love/ appreciate/ miss” them? Is it the death that brought these feelings to realization, or is it a mere attempt of dealing with the guilt for not having appreciated the person while yet alive? It always baffles me.
When any of my friends die- I have come to accept that this will surely happen one day- I will cry and mourn, but I will not feel guilty because -apart from everything else related to the loss of a loved one- I will rest assured knowing they could not possibly have questioned my love for them. I like things done properly. There is a right and correct, acceptable and righteous way of doing things.. all things! I cannot see myself ever regretting not having told a person how I feel about them, simply because I constantly remind myself of doing so while I still can.
I do not do this because I fear life and/or death, but because I have accepted the simple fact that I have no control over most events in life. While I cannot control the universe, every human being, or even my little brother’s actions, I can control my own actions and to somewhat a degree, my very own life. There was a friend of mine who did a Celebration of Life….. on his 25th birthday *smh* I do not approve of such, no fibre of my being does; but well *cough* to each his own..
Having said that, there are a few people I love very much and want to appreciate.. right here, right now. You’ll understand why I do this on my blog..
I started blogging a bit over 7 months ago. I am not one to promote myself, so I write and smile over every visitor I get.. and I get a few. Some comment, most don’t, but that’s perfectly ok. What started as a very personal blog has turned into perhaps a tiny bit more than that now. At the beginning, I mostly had close friends and my sisters visiting my blog. It really started because I moved to China and they insisted I kept them all up-to-date; with stories.. pictures.. and general thoughts. This I naturally did; hence the birth of my blog. Soon after, however, I started reading other blogs too and commenting on them, which led to more people- strangers- coming to mine.
Two of these strangers, I have come to love very much. There is that one who always read and “liked” my posts.. Not all of them, mind you, but very many. I was not sure whether that person was male of female, liked me and was trying to get “close” or whether he actually really enjoyed what he read; he simply kept coming (quietly), reading and liking my posts. And I appreciate that very much. We’ve started skyping, we chat, we talk. About more things than are on my blog. It might sound funny, but I can confide in him. In a way, he has taken on the role of a virtual big brother. One who can tell me I am wrong, when he feels I need to be told, yet does so in a way that still makes me smile, sometimes even laugh out loud. He annoys me with his love for big bottoms, while at the same time makes me smile with his silly obsession for the female body. He is an extremely lovable person whom I have come to like and appreciate very much. He is Malota. My very own Lotty!
The second person I have come to love at least as much as I love Lotty has been even more in the shadow: Kola (Kayshawy). He was there more or less from the start too, even more subtle, quiet, hidden in the background. He commented a bit more than Lotty did, simply because my posts interested him. At times- he doesn’t know that- I simply wrote because of him. “At least Kayshawy will read/comment” was a thought that crossed my minds more than just twice or thrice. You see, at times it can be a bit frustrating.. discouraging.. when you feel you write for yourself only. Especially so when you started something for the pleasure of many, but have come to enjoy it alone. Kola, however, made me feel I was writing for not just myself, and it kept me going on days I felt like just stopping. I felt that someone else wanted to hear what I had to say. Of course I still get comments on my posts from friends and loved ones.. but there are now others who (want to) listen too. And that makes me feel.. well, good! When I stopped reading his comments, I started worrying.. A week, two.. a month, two months.. and I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought of emailing him to find out what had happened. Not because I wanted the comments, but because I was sincerely worried.. with all the news and demonstrations back home, I had more than just one sleepless night. And so I decided to email.. We have since spoken, skyped, chatted.. It’s funny how much he knew about me through my posts, and how little I had known about him.
Well, today I want to say a very big Thank You to the two of you! While I still can, I want to let you know that I appreciate you both very much.. (˘⌣˘)ε˘`)
P.s.: There are a few more people I will appreciate.. but not today.