Sometimes I feel the need to pause, look at myself, take stock of my life and the people therein, and just shake my head. At times I laugh, other times I cry. Often I scratch my head too, or simply lower my gaze. But every single time, really, I shudder and wonder.. and feel sorry for myself *sighs*
There is a thing such as wrong humility or.. *stuttering and stammering* in fact, I don’t even know what to call it. I know the Bible encourages us to “associate with people of lower degree” but it also encourages us to walk with the wise and to be mindful of the company we keep!! Why am I preaching? Hear this..
Yesterday, I walked into Charles; an old acquaintance, not a friend. I have not chosen not to call him that because of yesterday’s incident, but simply because that’s exactly what he was: a mere acquaintance from back in the days. I do not remember through whom I met him, or why I even know him, but I sha met him through somebody. We used to hang out a bit.. nothing major, nothing profound, nothing note-worthy. As nature demanded, he was attracted to me at some point, but nothing that would have caused me to stop talking to him. You see, as woman you must learn/know to make allowances for such things, especially when being friendly with the opposite (Nigerian) sex. Readers, don’t judge me, judge yourself lol. Anyway, nothing ever transpired between the two os us, nothing remotely emotional, personal, intimate.
Moving on, I met him (randomly) on the tube yesterday. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: Oh! Hey Charles.
He: You this girl. Long time. How far?
Me: I’m good oh. Long time indeed. How are you?
He: I dey, I dey. Hmm.. You don born?
Me: Ah, ah. What’s the meaning of that?
He: So, since when have you came back?
Me: When I came back to Vienna? It’s been a while.. about 4 months or so.
He: Ha. Four months! And you did not even asked after me. Na wa oh.
Me: Haha. What do you mean?
He: You didn’t even asked after me now. Look at you. Foolish girl. (Hiss)
Now, mind you: We had a friendly relationship which lasted for about 2-3months years ago. And here he was, accusing me of not having asked after his welfare. I understood it was just something people said to break the ice..? I don’t know; I disregarded it.
He: Anyway, so how far now? Baby you are looking nice. Come, let goes to my house.
Me: To your house to do what?
He: Haha, you are funny. Always joking. Baby, you know I likes you. I likes you very much. Let’s go now.
Remember: all this was happening on the tube. It was rush-hour, the tube was packed. People were standing close, watching, listening. I had to lower my gaze and whisper. I felt embarrassed. I was embarrassed. Apart from the fact that he was clearly beside himself, did he really expect me to abandon all my plans just because I suddenly met him, and follow him to his house? Mchewwwwwww .. I was upset sha..
Me (irritated): Pls, what is all this now?
He: Shut up! You know I likes you. What is all this now. Comes to my house abeg.
Me: Please, stop this. Of course I’m not going to follow you to your house.
He: Hmm. So have you started clubbing now?
Me: Clubbing? Why? No..
He: Let’s go clubbing now. I knows you can dance very well.
Me: Sorry, I don’t really club.
He: I knows you never go before, but you are already big now. Not like before.
Me: It has nothing to do with whether I am big or small. I just don’t like it. I’ve been to clubs.
He: But that was before. Now you are big. Now we can go.
Me: Ah, I said I just don’t like it. Na by force to go clubbing?
He: I know you don’t likes it. But you can follow me. Just comes with me. If you don’t likes it, you can still go to club and dance.
I was trying hard to get his point. I did not. He once again moved on to another topic:
He: Anyway, I don’t blame you. But come, I likes you oh. See your breast.
Me: Ha! Are you OK?
He: So, are you married now?
Me: Something like that, yes.
He: Who is him? He is not better than me.
He: It’s truth. You to you knows. Tell him he cannot be better than me. What does he haves that I doesn’t have? Tell me.
Me: Charles, please.
He: No! I want to know. Is he better? I am better than he! I am telling you, I am better!
Me (laughing it off): Whatever shaaa..
He: This girl. How is your sisters jo? You know she have very big breast. I like am oh.
Me: Charles, it’s like there is something wrong with you. Are you sure you’re OK?
He: Shut up! I want to marries her. Please tell her I likes her breast.
Me: Charles, I’m really sorry, but this conversation is over.
He: Look at you. Is it because you goes and comes from London? See your hair sef. Your hair curl, your brain too curl. Na London style? We are in Vienna abeg.
Me: (laughing again): Please, what’s all this? And how does a brain curl?
Note: there is nothing “London” about me hair at all.. It’s merely natural *rme* He was clearly confused about the Afro.. a whole Benin boy.
He: Ah, you talks too much. You never change. Yan yan yan yan.. Just keep quiet. Come, gives me your number. Come to my house tomorrow. You know I likes you so much. Let us chills. We will have good time.
Me: There is no point, I won’t be here for long.
He: Shut up, I said you should give me your number!
I had noticed a horrible stench coming from his mouth and odour oozing from his body earlier; I knew he must have been high on something, so I smiled and remained calm anyway. He had changed..
Me: I’m sorry Charles. I’m getting off now. But take care, ok?
He (holding my hand firmly): Give me your number now. Please, you must come to my house tomorrow.
Me (shaking myself free): Charles, take care!!
This encounter made me think, to say the least. There are way too many people in my life that really should never have been. I might not be able to change the past, but I am determined to choose both my friends and acquaintances wisely now. I have come to see all human beings as equal, but being equal really doesn’t mean having to be one with them.
Thank God for His grace and wisdom though, ’cause if it had been back back in the days, I would have felt really guilty for not giving him my number. “Oh, I don’t want him to feel inferior. I don’t want him to think I’m arrogant or proud. I really should not feel better than him. After all, he might have a good heart etc.” But not anymore. I have come to see that all this does not matter as much as me being able to look myself in the mirror.
Bottom-line: It’s important to be open and approachable and all that, but even more so: Respect yourself!! (as I speak to you, I speak to myself). Yesterday I did, and I am glad!
People ask me why I’m still single. I ask you: How could I be anything else.. with people like him “toasting” me? ( ._.)