Ope, Tunji, Ife, Ola, Wole and yes, even Olu.
Who would have thought they would all really show up?
Every single one of them.
Tears of joy.
She was grateful.
They were the ones who really mattered.
At least to her.
They were the ones who had truly known her;
known her inside out,
Known her intimately,
And she loved them more today
than she ever did before.
for her wedding
And they were OK with it.
Every single one of them.
They all smiled, remembering
her very different past;
The only thing they had in common
was their love for her.
Some of her closest friends today,
I know this is #random (and I am not trying to spark a debate on here *wink*) but it has been a bit on my mind recently. Actually, no, I don’t think it’s that random. You ask what? Well, the fact that most of my long and close friends are people I have been close to in many ways. Side-eye me all you like, I’m simply being open and honest here. The people I speak to the most, confide in, trust, can rely on, know will go the extra mile for me, will go out of their way to help me out, I can call on when in trouble etc., are all people who have at one point actually really loved me; my Ex’s. They are also the ones who pick up their phone to say Hello just for the sake of it, remember me first when in need of advice, or simply call when wanting to laugh over everything and nothing.
I just had a rather long telephone conversation with probably the only very serious boyfriend I ever had (Yes, him! The one I did not appreciate/cherish enough), and it made me think. We do not speak very often, but quite regularly anyway. When we talk, we do not talk as Ex’s but rather as very good friends. He calls me his best friend, and I blush (figuratively) whenever he does so. Especially considering our past. He still thinks I am special.. and he is getting married soon! I like to believe (although I do not tell him) he is much more special than me… ( ._.)
[go ahead, roll your eyes..]
I find especially my Ex’s to be the ones who know me- the true me- understand me, respect me, cherish me. They are the ones whose eyes still spark when looking at me, whose laughter is sincere and heartily, who feel free to make fun of me without worrying about me getting upset (although, I must add, I really find almost anything amusing.. and I hardly ever get upset; that is: as long as it does not cross the line of “acceptable”) and who, yes.. understand just what exactly is acceptable and what is not.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I’m still friends with all my Ex’s, but most of my good friends are indeed Ex’s.
I’ve heard and read a lot of people (both lads and ladies) say being friends with someone you broke up with makes no sense; others adding that the circumstances of the break-up matter.
I disagree with both; simply because I strongly believe that whatever might have led you to break-up (no matter how valid, painful, horrible, wicked, demonic, or diabolic the reason might have been) could not have been the same reason you started dating. Lol.. deep! I know.. playing Captain Obvious here.
But on a serious note, there was something wonderful about him/her that made you want go out with that person in the first place. That something persists.. even after the break-up! Be it their honesty, laughter, smile, intellect, passion.. (you get my point) it is still there.. even if hidden somewhere. My point is: Just because you two did not work out as a couple, doesn’t mean the person is a horrible person. Period! You might be good friends, love each other, care about each other deeply, but not make a good couple. This is common sense..
There are a 100+1 people I admire, but know I could never date; while there are others I could probably have satisfactory relationships with, but choose not to date them.. for personal, emotional, rational, or even nonsensical reasons. It is my right! ( ¬_¬)
Moving on, and going back: Especially three Ex’s come to mind when I think about people who still love me dearly. They say I still have a very special place in their hearts; although none of us would like to try again (apart from one, probably). Bottom-line is: we still care about each other.
I guess, there is always that one person who will have that special place in your heart. From a Christian and generally human perspective (of course I’d eventually travel across this lane) our hearts- once committed (i.e. you’ve got that ring on that finger)- are to be towards and for that one person, (your partner, your spouse) only. But there is no kidding anyone: it does not just happen like that. It takes a decision, a prayer, and a faith. OK, I’m not trying to be funny here, but I’m sure/hoping you get what I’m saying.
We could go on about emotional betrayal/cheating here, as it perfectly ties in with the aforementioned, but that would make this a too lengthy post. Anyway,..
That Ex (the one I spoke to tonight) told me he and his fiancée (she’s a really beautiful and nice young lady) actually seriously discussed his “close friendship with me”, upon which he boldly admitted to still having a soft spot for me, while reassuring her she had nothing to worry about.
I felt guilty asking the question that led to him telling me this (read previous sentence again), but it kind of made me smile too. Do not judge me! ( -_-) Once in a while it is good and indeed important to know that others too (no matter what might have transpired between you) still see how beautiful you are.. both outside and in.
(Just) because one was a “bad” girl/boyfriend to you then (speaking in relative terms) does not mean (wo)man is a bad person, or deserving of a wonderful relationship with someone (else/ other than you).
I guess what it boils down to is respecting relationships and boundaries set, and taking very special care not to overstep/cross them.
In conclusion, I want to send a trillion kisses to those of you (although I know most of you do not read my blog. shame shame shame!!) who are still (t)here, caring about and loving me.. although I am no more yours. I love you too!