Things happen for different reasons..
I’ve been in a bit of a shock recently. I’ll try and keep it brief.
There’s been someone I’ve been friendly with for just a few months; call him a new but very special friend. For simplicity’s sake, let’s just call that friend Bawze.
Anyway, so Bawze and I have been friendly, cool, joking, enjoying each other’s company.. and it was wonderful. One day, during one of our conversations, he asked what my greatest fear was.. I opened up and shared:
- Losing a loved one. The sudden disappearance of a family member. Since I’ve never lost anyone dear, I cannot imagine myself continuing living my life (as I do now) afterwards. I guess we all have that fear.. it’s one of those things no one wants to experience.. ever, but everyone will.
- Losing my partner/ husband. As the idealist that I am, I believe in “marriage ’til death do us part” but I’ve always feared his decision. What if he is not as enduring or willing to work things out? What if he woke up one day and decided he wanted out? While I can well control my decisions, I cannot control another’s. I’ve always feared my life would end if the love of my life chose to leave me.. for whatever reason.
As you can see, both “fears” are directly linked to the sudden disappearance of a loved one. But I have handed them both over to the Lord.
Anyway, lo and behold.. just 10 days after me sharing this, and with no argument, no quarrel, no misunderstanding whatsoever (as a matter of fact: our last conversation was more than pleasant), the Bawze disappears. Suddenly.. gone!
Day 1, day 2, day 3.. nothing! Of course I tried calling and writing, but nothing! Fear set in first.. soon accompanied by pain.. heart ache.. the sorrow and grief that only comes from the loss of something cherished.. Pain. Suddenly gone, without warning.. without apparent reason.
And I had to ask myself: Why is it that just after opening up about my greatest fear, it comes to pass? Of course, the Bawze was no family member, but a very dear friend still. It hurt/s.
The first days were the worst.. crying for hours.. being confused.. unable to sleep.. refusing to eat.. praying to the Lord to make me understand what’s happening. To be honest, I still don’t! Sometimes clarity sets in soon after, sometimes after some time.. sometimes not at all.
But you see, once the thing you fear the most happens and you allow it to simply be.. you are fine. You know that that hurt/pain/ache too will pass.. It might take a day, a week, or even a bit longer, but it will surely pass.
Today I am glad because although I’ve been sad, I know I’ll be OK. I might be hurting and a bit confused now, but in a funny kind of way, I have peace. That is one thing I cannot do without.. internal peace. Whether my world falls apart and/or a loved one leaves, as long as I have that peace within, I know I’ll be fine. The word of the Lord resounding in my ear:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified [..] for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deut 31:6