Real Marriage II: Sex as Gift

Still on the same book as yesterday, I am sharing an excerpt from the chapter “Sex: God, Gross, or Gift?“.

The Bible teaches that while sex can be received as a god (idolatry) and rejected as gross, it can also be redeemed as a gift. Because sex is a gift that God gave, it is His intent that we steward and enjoy that gift, like every gift He gives, in such a way that is glorious to Him and good for our marriages.
Sex is a powerful gift that God gives to married couples. Furthermore, it provides six good glorious benefits.

(1) Sex is for pleasure.
Throughout the most erotic book in the Bible, the Song of Songs, children are never mentioned, as the entire focus of the book is simply marital passion and pleasure. Pleasures in the Song of Songs include kissing (1:2),  oral/fellatio- her initiative (2:3), manual stimulation- her invitation (2:6), erotic massage- his initiative (4:5), oral/cunnilingus- his initiative (4:12- 5:1), striptease (6:13- 7:9), and new places and positions, including outdoors- her initiative (7:11- 13).


(2) Sex is for creating children.
Birth control use is not always a sin if abortive methods are not used, and the heart’s motives are not sinful. But children are repeatedly considered a blessing throughout Scripture. God created a husband and wife to conceive at the moment of deepest connection.


(3) Sex is for oneness.
 “Sexual pleasure is one of the most intense human experiences. Physically speaking, when a man or woman reaches sexual excitement, nerve endings release a chemical into the brain called ‘opioid’. Opioid means ‘opium-like’ and is a good description of the power of this chemical. Apart from a heroin-induced experience, nothing is more physically pleasurable than sex. This is a wonderful thing in a committed marriage relationship, because it helps to bond two people together and bring joy to living together and building a relationship.” (Dr. Stephen Arterburn)

A faithfully married couple with a free and frequent sex life are literally bonded together as one, physically and chemically by God’s design.

(4) Sex is for knowledge.
In the act of sex, and the related intimacy that surrounds it, a couple learns to know each other in a way that they are not known to anyone else. This sacred and experiental knowledge means that a faithfully married couple has an intimacy and connection that is not only exclusive but also unprecedented in all their other relationships.


(5) Sex is for protection.
While there is no excuse for sexual sin, there are factors that can increase the temptation for sexual sin. Perhaps, chief among them is a marriage in which at least one of the people is sexually dissatisfied because the sex is not free or frequent enough. If one person feels sexually denied and discouraged, it increases the temptation to wander outside for sexual satisfaction. But free and frequent sex within marriage helps safeguard and protect the marriage from such sins as bitterness, adultery, pornography, and secret masturbation.


(6) Sex is for comfort.
There are seasons in life when nothing can be said or done to comfort a suffering spouse. In those moments it is the ministry of touch that allows us to connect with our spouses in a way that lovingly serves them and binds us together in the suffering.

Sex is a gift from God. A gift to be stewarded. A gift to be guarded. A gift to be enjoyed. And a gift to be shared together for God’s glory and your good.

(Get the book here!)

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. habs says:

    … Its also good exercise too. lol. Point # 1 is very interesting aswell sha. Almost didn’t read the other points. lol. Listened to a sermon about this topic last week (and the week before) about why its maritally important and why people should not shy away from learning/discussing the importance.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Yes, it’s very important!
      (lol @ exercise)

      Sadly, most “religious” people just don’t talk about it, both before and during marriage.
      Big mistake! *sighs*

      May we unmarried people learn.. lol

  2. kallistus says:

    i am currently in a similar situatio as was mentioned above.my wife does not give me sex as much as i desire.she always claims she is not in the mood so ive let her be cos im tired of being seen as a pest to her. this has led me to keeping an outside relationship with a very beautiful girl who satisfies me to my content and i dont bother my wife anymore cos im tired of her excuses.id only make love to her if she makes the initiative bt if not,id just keep mum and let things remain as they are.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Dear Kallistus,

      Thank you so much for opening up and sharing what you’re currently going through in your marriage.
      I am no expert on such issues, neither am I married, so I do not claim to have all the answers; but from all the things I have seen, heard and encountered from close relations, all marriages go through trials.. for some it’s not sex, for others it might be finances, or very different issues. But truth is: every single marriage that still stands today, at one point or the other hit rock-bottom. The difference between those who opt for a divorce and those who stick it out, is the willingness to work it out and forgive each other.

      I strongly believe that (although it is quite typical for one partner to have a higher sex-drive than the other) when a woman increasingly and constantly lacks the desire to be physically intimate with her partner, the real issue is on the emotional level. If she does not feel that “connection” anymore (and this is something that happens over a long period), she will with time withdraw. There could be many issues though, sickness, depression, frustration, etc.. so it is imperative to understand the reason why, be considerate, talk it through, and find a middle-ground.

      If you are willing to work on your marriage, I encourage you to walk through the issues with her, or maybe with a marriage counselor. I don’t know whether you are a Christian or not, but a lot of churches offer free marital counselling too- even to non-believers. I refer to Christian counselling, as the emphasis with these is the issue of FORGIVENESS.
      It is not in my place to encourage or even discourage you from telling your wife about your infidelity; but I strongly admonish you to seek out help.
      I don’t know how you came across my blog, but I guess it was a google-search on related topic.
      The fact alone that you’re on the internet looking for answers, tells me that there is something in you desperate for a solution (although you say you are happy with your current affair).

      It is always a two-way street: both partners have to be willing to work things out. I just pray you take the first step, turn your back to your mistress, and emotionally and physically return to your wife.

      I really wish you all the best and pray the Lord grants you the strength, grace, and boldness to do the right thing.

      1. 0latoxic says:

        Wise, wise woman… (˘⌣˘)ε˘`)

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