Scattered Abroad

He wondered whether he could help.
I sensed earnest desperation
and smiled gratefully.
We’d been over this too many times;
No.

How could he help me find
what I was looking for?
Something I wasn’t sure
still existed?
I’ll be OK.
I said and quickly added
I’ll find my way.

“Not all who wander are lost.”

Butterfly,
my friends called me.
Never in one place for long.

Like the wind,
my father would say.
Here today, tomorrow away.

“Not all who wander are lost.”

I was on a quest.
I would not relent.
On the search for completion,
determined to get back what was mine.

Sweet memories.

And so I went;
I left.
Searching for pieces,
parts of my heart,
my soul.

Indecent indulgences.

I wanted them back.
Every single one of them.
They were scattered abroad.

I’ll be gone till November.
I said,
and kissed our three kids
goodbye.
One after the other,
from the eldest
to the youngest.

All still too young to understand
why Mommy would leave them
in search for another man
when there was Dad.

“Not all who wander are lost.”

I shall be back.
I said
with tears in my eyes.

Guilt.

I felt dry,
weak,
exhausted,
drained.

I had nothing more to give;
at least not for now.

Like a nomad
in the desert
seeking to quench her thirst,
I  needed to move on.

There was a spring of living water
out there somewhere.
I needed to locate it.
I was determined
to find you.

“Not all who wonder are lost.”

I kept repeating those words.
The last I spoke to my husband
the day I left him and our kids,

For You.

One day perhaps, I shall leave you too.
But for now I am yours..
once again.

Advertisements

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Tyo says:

    Mon bébé,

    You’re back! As a cheating wife.. *sighs*
    I totally get it.
    She leaves her husband and children for a love she never really left (emotionally). Missing she also missing the naughty lifestyle. Unsatisfied with her marital sex life, she’s looking for an adventure outside with someone who once excited her.
    Or maybe she simply does not know how to be in one place, since her friends, her father, and even she herself say so, “One day I shall leave you too.”

    Marriage is a serious issue. If you know you cannot be faithful and stay put, it’s better not to even step into it. Of course, no one really knows tmr, and there are no guarantees in love, but her case seemed pretty unsettled from the start. The past and all related relationships must be duly dealt with prior to “I do”.. most importantly: deal with yourself.

    Les enfants pauvres 😦

    Loved the write-up though.
    T

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      My darlinggggggggggggggggggggggg!!! 🙂

      Why “though”?
      Yup, you got it. A wife on the search.
      “Not all who wander are lost.”
      Although she keeps saying that, does she really fit into that category?
      She’s on the search for something.. most likely herself.

  2. 0latoxic says:

    This poem is deep, intriguing, simple and mind-blowing all at once.

    It’s interesting how, from her point of view, she paints it much like her quest is a noble one. What she has previously admitted are “Indecent indulgences” have somehow become “a spring of living water”. She wavers from confidence in knowing that the ones who love her will be waiting when she returns to the guilt she feels at leaving to the acceptance of her shortcomings as a part of her. The saddest part.

    An insight into the way a cheater’s mind works perhaps?

    And when the poem says “Not all who wonder are lost”, while ‘wonder’ there might seem like a typo (is it?), in isolation, it is certainly very deep too.

    And the adept writing skills displayed here…. WHOA!!

    Good one, Pinkus. Great one.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      😀
      Thank you, thank you! *blushing*

      That “wondering” was an (un)intentional switch I have decided to leave as it is. I like it too.. Hehe

      Oh Toxy, you’re making me feel all warm and fuzzy (go ahead, roll your eyes ._.)

  3. habs says:

    Very Interesting piece! Complications of a wandering soul. She is lost lost because she hasn’t figured out what exactly she seeks. That feeling of incompleteness has driven her away and she will continue wandering until the void is filled.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      In a way, I feel she is trying to do exactly that: fill the void.
      Her problem is probably just figuring out what exactly that void is.. and how exactly to fill it.
      How lost she really is.. *sighs*

  4. Tosin says:

    Nice writing…. A woman that knows not what she wants is as dangerous as a hurricane…

feel free to say something..

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s