No Other Remedy

Having read the letter over and over again, he too sat down to write..

***

Babe,

We both know I’m much better in putting my words and thoughts down on paper; so I’ve chosen to write you this letter.

We need to talk.

I know these words scare you; today, they don’t have to. Not really, anyway. Today, I am the one who stands scared.

I see the way you look at me these days, it’s not like before.. there is doubt in your eyes.

I see the way you look at me when I check my phone for text messages, and laughingly reply. I see the way you look at me when I tell you what a wonderful day I had with a friend, leaving out details (I feel are unnecessary and hence do not need to be narrated).

You’ve always loved me for who I was, calling me “buddy”; and indeed, we’ve always been great friends. That is what you loved me for, and what I cherished our relationship for the most: its purity, sincerity, and simplicity.

But things have changed. We don’t laugh as much, play as much, or joke as much as we used to. And I cannot help but wonder, Why?

The fact that I look at others- both men and women- and appreciate their beauty, means nothing. They’ve got nothing on you. If I wanted to leave, I would have.. But I love you. I am committed to you. I am not going anywhere.

The fact that I laugh with others (or at times even flirt) does not mean they make me happier or fulfil me more than you do. I have always been one to love hot debates and engaging discussions. I’ve always loved meeting new people, having an innocent laugh, and sharing personal stories. This is exactly what brought us together.

The fact that I still do this (now, with other people) does not mean there’s competition for you; there is not a single person out there who could take your place.

When I come back and tell you about my day, I leave out minute details- not because I am trying to hide anything- but because I find the time spent with you of so much more importance than anything that could have (or have not) happened during the day. I do not wish to fill our special moments with unnecessary banter, worthless chatter, or useless gossip. When I am with you, the world revolves around us two. That’s how I like it.

When I check my phone for text messages and laughingly reply, it is most probably Kachi making fun of me; teasing me about how unfair it is for me to talk about you when we are together, and forgetting her as soon as I’m away.

When we go to parties together and spend time apart, catching up with friends or getting to meet new people, I entertain myself just as much as I wish for you to entertain yourself. I know you, I trust you. I am not scared to release you.. for I do not fear loosing you. Am I wrong?

Sometimes I fear you might be judging me based on my past. Based on the things you know about me, the things I told you in sincerity. Sometimes, when I see doubt in your eyes, I cannot help but wonder what you might be thinking.

Tell me, what goes through your mind when you look at me taking off my clothes? Do you draw near, and breathe in an unusual scent? Tell me, have you ever fallen into the trap of not merely assuming, but indeed concluding I was too close, intimate with another?

Tell me, what goes through your mind when you watch me undress, take off my clothes, remove my underwear, walk into the shower? Have you ever, and please be honest, thought I was desperately trying to wash away my shame, guilt, insincerity?

Tell me, what goes through your mind when you hug me from behind, squeeze my buttocks, and turn me around to play with my breasts? Do you carefully examine me to find out whether someone else has enjoyed that which was to be exclusively yours?

Tell me, what really goes through your mind when I tell you “I love you”  and you silently reply- as though you were trying to convince me, that you love me too?

Tell me, I need to know; because these thoughts scare me. They have succeeded in increasing my heartbeat,  they have stolen my sleep away.. and above all: they are beginning to threaten our peace, and my security. Right now I suffer from a lack of both. Peace. And security. I beg you, suffer it not to be so.

What I want to know..

Will you be my friend again? Not my lover, not my husband, but my friend? Will you trust me again? Forgetting my past, leaving behind memories of that which was before.. with another man; and simply trust me again? Will you not look at me and judge me based on a fidelity that was long before our time?

I want you to allow me move. Move freely within acceptable and agreed parameters without making me feel guilty, yet hold me tightly. I need that emotional stability. I long to feel close to you again; not physically but mentally, spiritually. I don’t want to have to imagine or wonder what you might be thinking. I need to know for sure. I hate the distance that has found its way into our relationship; pulling and tearing us apart. I want us to be one again.

Yours exclusively,
Asake

***

..just that he didn’t know what to say.

He couldn’t possibly tell her she was narcissistic, and way too self-absorbed. Why did his changes have to be about her? Why did all her assumptions have to be centred around her? Her behaviour, her thoughts? Did it not occur to her that maybe, just maybe, it had nothing to do with her, that maybe, it was just him?

She wasn’t emotional enough to understand where he’d be coming from. She’d seek to analyze his behaviour rationally, logically. Looking for the sense behind it. When there was none to be found.

Besides, she was way too matter-of-factish to react overly emotional, mad, hurt. She’d sit down and desire to discuss the issue, as though it was merely an exchange of opinions, ideas, thoughts.

No. Her letter said it all.

It really wasn’t the time to tell her what had truly been bugging him, causing him sleepless nights, causing him to look at her differently.

It sure wasn’t the time to tell her he hated her willingness to let him be so free, because he couldn’t deal with so much liberty.

It most definitely wasn’t the time to confess his own infidelity.

***

And so he went to bed and made love to her, passionately.

Simply allowing it be.

He knew of no other remedy..

***

Read the Prequel

Read the Sequel

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29 Comments Add yours

  1. kay_sha1na says:

    I wish I could copy and paste this letter to someone….sigh. Too late now.
    Anyway..the signature ‘olowo ori e’ is actually wrong missy…this is used when ….a lady refers to her man as ‘olowo ori mi’…so actually you have used the man’s signature for the lady’s letter *phew*

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      LOL!
      Okay, so I should just change the “e” abi? :/

    2. kay_sha1na says:

      Olowo ori e is used when the man refers to the lady….

      1. DeMorrieaux says:

        Arggggggggggh..
        My question: should I change the “e” to “mi” or use sthg completely different?
        ( ._.)

        1. kay_sha1na says:

          Any other pet name perhaps? -__-

          1. DeMorrieaux says:

            Like I know so many -____-

            1. kay_sha1na says:

              And that would be….”ti e ni to’oto”…is nor by force to use yoruba na

  2. Tyo says:

    The guy is silly.
    He has a wife who obviously cares, that’s why she wrote the letter…
    He should appreciate it, and the fact he has a “rational” wife.

    The funny thing is, this happens so often.
    The things that attracted you to a person at first, soon become the very things you detest.. Too much freedom? I agree, can be a bad thing. Especially when one partner is more emotional and needy than the other. Then if feels like the other doesn’t care as much.

    I still believe in communication being the key here.
    She took the first step but he chose to cover the problem up with sex.
    Dangerous, but that’s what happens in most relationships anyway.

    Nice!

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Life! *sighs”
      Sex is not always the (best) solution lol

      1. kay_sha1na says:

        Sex is an interim solution….the truth always has a way of popping up! He cares about her…that’s why he feels guilty I think…so telling her he cheated will be tough…

        1. DeMorrieaux says:

          guilty? 0_o
          I’m not seeing any guilt sha.
          Different angles of perception, I suppose.
          :p

          1. 0latoxic says:

            See this gehl o. How does… “It really wasn’t the time to tell her what had truly been bugging him, causing him sleepless nights”… not show guilt on his part? (¬_¬)

            1. DeMorrieaux says:

              See men defending a cheating husband.. ( ¬_¬)
              Why would you not read guilt out of this? Mchewwwww!

            2. 0latoxic says:

              Who is defending? I’m saying according to the narrator, which would happen to be you, he Is exuding convictions of guilt. And he well should, seeing as infidelity is wrong no matter how it is painted.

              *now awaiting Yinkus’ next (unneeded) attempt to have the last word* /:)

              1. DeMorrieaux says:

                LOL I never feel the need to have the last word -___-
                You sha had to push it… and go and comment on your own post too, just to make me talk lol.. Toxy, Toxy, mo ti ri e.. Issokaaaaay :p

            3. kay_sha1na says:

              And she had the last word….narrator please what was your intention if it was not guilt????

              1. DeMorrieaux says:

                LOL agbaya ni e. Go away jo -___-

            4. 0latoxic says:

              She had the unneeded last word ( ˘͡- ˘͡)

              And for whatever very likely short amount of time, this here is the last—-> “word’ :p

              1. DeMorrieaux says:

                LOL I kept away for 10 hours.. I tried :p
                You know how to get me shaaa.. cos if you had just said nothing, I too would have kept quiet.
                Stop playing tricks, you this boy! *dropkicks*

  3. rachel says:

    Hmmmmmmnnn!!!

  4. 0latoxic says:

    A post that shows the intricacies and very high importance of communication in relationships (You see how I didn’t say ‘marriages’ there even though that’s what was at the top of my mind, yeah? Oh, you do? Ok then…).

    But Yinka, you’re becoming way too good at playing devil’s advocate in your posts o. I realize it’s a strength but err… *proceeds to continue convo in private* Sorry, all ye akprokos… :p

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Hehe.. communication is ALWAYS of the utmost importance.. counts for all human relations(hips).

      Devil’s advocate? Bi bawo? Noo ohh.. I am merely showing people what can be.. Call it me sharing a vision of a not-so-bright-or-desired future.. (._.)

  5. dudubeauty says:

    I Love it! I have a request though…Please, can you write sequel? I want to know what happens to the Idiotic cheating hubby??….lol.

    I hate when people do something wrong and they try to rationalize it with crap like ” If you didn’t this; i would not have done that” Own up and keep it moving like a man! uhgggg

  6. Anonymous says:

    I love this, Vict! ah ah…Yinkus Pinkus, you’re really a writer oh.

  7. FP says:

    Love the ‘end’.
    All too often the case.
    A classic – ‘to tell or not to tell’ scenario.
    Is there such a thing as perfect timing?
    Beautiful piece!

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Thank youuuuuu 🙂

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