Celibacy No Be Beans

Although celibacy is often simply defined as “abstinence from sexual intercourse”, I have come to tell you that it is so much more than just that. Often, abstinence and celibacy are used interchangeably too; wrongly so!

  • Sexual abstinence (also known as continence) refers to abstaining from all sexual activity.
  • Celibacy (even short-term) is much more than simply not having sex: it is more intentional and its goal is personal growth and empowerment.

I have not come to educate you on sex or abstinence. In fact.. —>

Disclaimer (although perhaps a bit late): I rate this post R18! -__-
Actually; no, I don’t. I rate it: Educational!

Over the past year (since I started blogging) I’ve come across a healthy number of “Virginity!-posts. I am no virgin, so cannot join the trend. What I will do, however, is speak/write about Sexual Purity.

One of my darling sisters (Sola) has founded an organisation called Let’s Talk About Sex, which basically does what its name says: talk about sex; with the aim to educate people (both Christians and non-Christians) on sex-related issues, encouraging abstinence, and teaching important truths (not facts, but Scriptural truths) about sexual purity.

Moving on, I met quite a few young Christians- both within and without these LTAS events- who confessed to fighting a common enemy. You see, there are things you go through alone, feeling and fearing you might be the only one struggling with it. Truth is, you are really not that different. No, I am not belittling your struggles, I am just taking away the burden of secrecy. That weight that has been holding you down. That fight you are yet to overcome.. that demon called masturbation.

It’s funny how many people I’ve met- some more judgemental than others (oh yes, there are plenty judging saints in the Church)- who proudly proclaim their virginity to the world, but take special pain to hide their mask of sexual (in)decency. Oh the things that go on behind closed doors! Not so pure, ey? And no, I am not judging.. it is a fight I am still fighting. Crucifying the flesh on a daily basis.

Of course, one could argue about one’s claim to virginity, having spent years masturbating, I won’t go into that (as it is a deep and long subject) but what I do want to point out, is how this is neither (see above definitions) sexual abstinence, nor celibacy. No discussion; as it is almost impossible to argue how the act of sexual self-satisfaction/gratification is non-sexual. Hello? You are having sex with yourself. Emphasis on “sex” and “on”  and”your.self”. In fact, emphasis on everything. You are making love to yourself; playing both parts (call it “sexual multi-tasking” if you may). Okay, this is not meant to be funny. But seriously, for the “untouched”- you have disvirgined yourself! No, that was mean and insensitive. I take it back. But you get the gist. Hands off (literally)!

Demons usually come in Legions (insider); with masturbation’s common companion being Pornography. Okay, that’s a pretty obvious one; so let’s move on to.. ehmmmm.. one that’s a bit less obvious but never too far away. In fact, let me call him the Originator of All-Things_Impure sef: indecent thoughts.

Who does not like being inside his/her own head? Creating an entire world -or universe- by the sheer power of one’s imagination. Creating and destroying; forming and shaping; living and enjoying- one’s own desires. The best part is: they really are only for you! My, oh my..someone hold me!
You see, there are numerous things we (all human beings, that includes you and me) would love to do, but know we probably never will. When I asked a friend of mine once “Something you’d love to do but probably never will?” He responded by saying “Nah, I don’t engage in fantasies of the unreachable.”  I had to lift a brow, needless to say: I did not believe him. Well, I might be wrong with my assumption after all, but I strongly believe there are some certain thoughts we know we’d better just kept to ourselves. Thoughts so dangerous, filthy, shameful, a nuclear bomb would have nothing on ’em. I’m sure you get what I’m saying. Imaginations for which you’d rather give your left arm or right leg, than having to share them with your mother, daughter, pastor, bestest friend..or even partner. You know, simple thoughts you’d rather forever and ever keep to yourself, come what may.. where no one will ever find or have access to them.
Having established what thoughts I’m talking about: most of these do include (as I do not want to jump into conclusions saying they are purely predominantly filled with) sexual fantasies. Now, they might lead you to go ahead and touch yourself, or not (that is not the point): engaging in these in itself denotes sexual impurity already.

While I thought about all this, I had to ask myself: If God said, “Just for a day -okay no, I’m feeling generous- an entire week ANYTHING goes (sexually). The slate will be wiped clean on the 7th day. No memories, no consequences, no sin.”  (..and no, this is no wicked trick or trap!!!) What would I do? Believe you me, you really don’t want to know! I can’t even pretend or lie; I would do and un-do. No need for details.. ( ._.)

And for those of you saying, “Oh, I’d remain celibate anyway.” LOL Give humanity, the universe, all created things, and God a break! You are not that holy! I’ve said my own. -____-

[Then, as God would have it, right in the middle of the dirtiest and most profane imagination of course, the Holy Spirit steps in to convict me, and I bow my head in utter shame.. reminded of “cleansen and purify your mind”.. “be renewed in your thinking”.. “think about that which is holy, pure, praise-worthy etc.” and there goes my 1min of dirty dancing.. -__-]

See why I said “Celibacy no be beans“? It is truly not for the faint-hearted. Or maybe, it is..

My point: Sexual purity takes a strong and conscious determination/decision, and above all: the grace of God (which is always present to support and strengthen godly decisions)!

None of the things I have said was to sound cynical or condemning.. almost all of what I’m sharing are things I’ve been through for many years. Imaginations and cravings I know I should not entertain, but often do. Physical/sexual desires I am still asking the Lord to take away. Weaknesses I know I cannot overcome without His help and strength. But in all this, His grace is sufficient.

I commend all those of you who can boldly say to the world and/or themselves (with a straight face) that they are sexually “untarnished”.. Kudos to you! But what I also want to do is troway salutes to those of you who have tasted the forbidden fruit, can admit to it, and are on a daily basis renewing their commitment to remaining in the struggle for sexual purity.

You see, it’s all about the journey. The destination (by God’s grace) is the same for us all: sex with our marital spouse. Heated, passionate, wild/romantic (that does not concern me), approved intimate coitus. But the journey, that one is different for us all. It is one in which we crucify the flesh steadily and discover ourselves more and more.. in Him!

I hate seeing pictures like:

You ask why? Well, because it is obviously not true! Celibacy is a choice people take. A difficult and tempting one, but rewarding altogether. It is one we take with a (more or less) full understanding- being aware of the trials and temptations that will most definitely face us (and hopefully not overcome us), but: it is nothing we love! It is a choice we make out of love .. for ourselves and our God (or other reasons I know nothing of), but please, let’s be real. It is nothing we love.

If you really loved the idea of not ever being sexually intimate and remaining on your own (#TeamForeverAloneByChoice), you’d be asexual and might as well just choose to remain in that state indefinitely or until Christ’s return.. You would not be member of Club Celibate.

  • Asexuality defined as “the lack of sexual attraction to others or the lack of interest in sex”.

Here you have it!

Okay, this is me done. I’ve shared what was on my mind and hope you got a thing or two or three (all of which I hope were sexual) out of this.. pun intended.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body….You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (1 Cor. 6: 18,20)

May the Lord strengthen us all and keep us.. pure!

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23 Comments Add yours

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is a very interesting way to start the day. I personally have no problem being celibate and it is equally important as Christians that we learn about the importance of sex in saving a marriage. I’ve heard “marriage guarantees no sex” so maybe it’s a good idea to have “sex talk seminars”… well done

  2. Anonymous says:

    This is a very interesting way to start the day. I personally have no problem being celibate and it is equally important as Christians that we learn about the importance of sex in saving a marriage. I’ve heard “marriage guarantees no sex” so maybe it’s a good idea to have “sex talk seminars”… well done

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Thanks, Anon! 🙂

  3. 0latoxic says:

    This post, encouraging as it is, makes me sad…

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      It wasn’t meant to.. ( ._.)

  4. dudubeauty says:

    Confused. I will be back with my thoughts.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      confused? 0_o
      Lol about what exactly? Please do come back and share your thoughts! :p

  5. shO says:

    Very interesting and insightful.
    Definately true…
    Once one can acknowledge that with any choice one makes, it is the grace and strength of Christ that enables us keep/stick to our choices – it’s all good. Less pressure is put on self and the burden of condemnation is lightened or even removed.
    I don’t think my sexual activity ‘status’ concerns anyone but me.
    Wearing the badge of ‘celibacy’ or ‘abstinence’ or whatever else it is, is relevant info for my spouse and God alone.
    Sometimes people want to be commended for making a decision to keep themselves pure….well really, this is something that should be everyone’s desire (married and single).

    Anyway…’Nough said. Great blog 🙂

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Thank you for your comment, shO.
      Definitely very on-point!
      I was surprised (initially) at how many people I came across who found it important to share their “status”. It really shouldn’t bother one to disclose that info..
      As many other things in life and faith, it is a very personal thing..
      But then, there are always those who will learn a thing or two from someone else’s openness, I guess.

      1. dudubeauty says:

        I actually don’t see anything wrong in telling people about your sexual activity status as long as it is aimed at pointing people to Christ and encouraging people. Although, I believe the struggles must be laid bare to avoid putting yourself on a pedestal. If it’s for your own personal glorification then….meh!

        1. DeMorrieaux says:

          The funny thing is, I personally don’t bring it up, unless the topic crops up. A few weeks ago, I met one (actually 2) of my Ex’s, and when they asked me about my marital status, I (obviously) told them I was single. Upon the question of my sexual activity then, I told them I was abstinent- and have been so for a number of years.

          Common reactions:
          1. side-eye
          2. Buahhahahahahahahahh
          3. Mchewwwwwwww
          4. What do you take me for?
          5. YOU?
          6. Come on, stop forming SU (scripture union).
          7. Abeg, abeg, abeg.. no be you?
          8. Can YOU stay without it for even a week?

          And I just look at them.. Surely, even as an “unsaved” person, I could not have been THAT bad!! (As a matter of fact, I KNOW I was not ._.)

          And then, there are many others who knew me than, and see me now, and know.. if she can, I can too. And they find encouragement in my celibacy.

          Guess what I am trying to say is (but then again, this is me, and I am just one drop in the sea): your intentions/motives for sharing -whatever information you wish to disclose to another- matter! As long as they are to God’s glory and the edification of another (this is me once again completely agreeing with you again), it is perfectly acceptable.

          The danger with sharing such things to make yourself look better a.k.a “holier than thou” is the fact that soon after you find temptation knocking at your door. “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Cor. 10:12)
          Depending and relying on His grace is just so much safer..

          1. dudubeauty says:

            Amen Sister, Amen! It’s all to the Glory of Christ. The enabling power of the Holy Spirit is able to keep us steadfast in Christ. They can snicker and laugh all they want. I hope i never ever see my ex again though..lol

            1. DeMorrieaux says:

              LOL!! That bad? *sighs*
              Life, ey!! Haha..
              I’m off to bed now.
              Check your inboooooox! 🙂

  6. dudubeauty says:

    Sorry it took so long! Yeah, your honesty is very refreshing….it honestly confused me.

    I hardly come across Nigerians or people of Nigerian descent( Christians) with such blatant realness! If you did not live half way across the world from me, i would have invited you out to coffee or something, I have a feeling we would click. Please don’t change!

    Okay, To the topic, You pretty much said everything that needs to be said. I would just like to add that most people do not understand the gospel and the significance of the cross.NO ONE IS GOOD period! It doesn’t matter whether you have murdered anyone before, if you are guilty of the sin of hate then you are a murderer and same goes for sex .

    When it comes to issues of celibacy/sex/ abstinence or any other sin it isn’t really rocket science that we all fall short. This is where the cross comes in…we are righteous not because of our deeds but because of what Christ did on the cross and the more we behold him, the more we are transformed into his likeness. This is the foundation of any real change in the life of man.

    I think when people understand this truths , it will lessen the shame and bring genuine discussion. I applaud the organization, foot in the right direction definitely.

    Why are people celibate? If it is not to glorify God and point people to Christ, then it is a waste of time!

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Grace,

      Very on-point! I absolutely and totally agree with all you’ve said.
      Especially the fact that it really is all about the power of the cross.
      Earlier today, I commented on another person’s blog post (the power of the blood, or sthg like that) and referred readers to Watchman Nee’s amazing book “The Normal Christian Life”. It so is a must-read! The first two chapters alone completely transformed my thinking.
      We stress ourselves over so many things, carry numerous unnecessary burdens upon our shoulders, simply because we have still not understood the significance and power of the cross/blood.
      I have the e-book and will find a way of making it available here on my blog; or perhaps email it to those interested.

      And about coffee, pls pls!! I am much more refreshing in real life lol.. or maybe, yes, maybe I’m just the same ( ._.).
      We should def hook up one of these days/decades! Lol

      Thanks for your comment!

      1. dudubeauty says:

        awwww man! Now I want to read the book…lol. Girl, stop suggesting all this great books when i have a million and one thing to do! lol

        Anyways, abeg if you get the e- version please help a sista out!

        We must do coffee and go shopping girl! You never know…..Our paths might cross in the not so distant future! Fingers crossed 🙂

        1. DeMorrieaux says:

          Hahaha.. I’m so sorry (not).. check your inbox!!! 😀

          1. dudubeauty says:

            Yay!!! Ok, I will 🙂

  7. Cee says:

    This post made me realize that I’ve never actually grasped the meaning of celibacy in it’s entirety. Before now, I simply thought of celibacy as abstinence from sex.
    Thanks for another “soul-search” inducing post -_____-
    P.S. I would also love a copy of that Watchman Nee’s “The Normal Christian Life”
    Thanks 🙂

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      You’re welcome.. and thanks for your comment.
      The ebook’s in your inbox! Enjoy 😉

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