Lady I. emailed me some days ago, asking if I could share her story with you guys. She wrote it, and I am posting it.
Sometimes, just sometimes, when things don’t seem to work out, take heart in the fact that God is good and He wants your best. Having found assurance in His word, and holding on to His promises, praise Him in advance!
Sometimes, just sometimes, you need not wait for the manifestation of a thing before you thank God for it. Be it a job, a husband, a child. Pray, and praise!
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I so looked forward to this year. I made plans and looked forward to seeing them become a reality. 2012 turned out to be full of ups and down but in all there was this mighty hand which pulled me up every time and everyday. My story might be too gory, I apologise.
I thought 2012 would be the year I’d carry my babies; and so I bought maternity dresses, baby clothes and waited. I imagined being pregnant, walking around with a gigantic belly, hearing someone say “Madam, come to the front, don’t wait on the queue you know you are double”.
Hmmm, how I watched and prayed..
January 16th, I noticed I had blood spots (not my menstrual flow), and so I called the doctor. She said I should go for a scan, which I did. During the scan, the Radiologist said “Oh madam, am sure your period is just late.” I replied “Yes, but I am spotting too.” He then said, “Congratulations madam, YOU ARE PREGNANT!” And when I asked, “Are you sure?” he beckoned me to look at the screen, “See your baby.”
I looked, I cried, I smiled, I laughed and then I rushed to tell my husband who was seated in the waiting room. We both asked the Radiologist what the spotting was all about. He told me to simply go to the hospital but reassured me that nothing was wrong with the baby. The whole day was a blur.
The following day I went to the hospital and the Dr. said, “Oh you’re pregnant and you’re spotting…. We will have to do an evacuation. It’s neither safe for you nor the baby.”
I wilted. I froze. I cried. I refused. I screamed “You can’t touch my baby! You have no right to touch my baby!” I left the hospital.
Three days later the spotting hadn’t stopped. I went back for a scan and the Radiologist said “I am sorry, the baby has passed away. You’ll need to undergo an evacuation before you get infected.”
That very moment the world stopped. Tears were no relief.
I went for the evacuation. It was so painful. I moved on but the bleeding just would not stop. I went back for another scan and was told the evacuation wasn’t done properly the first time; it would have to be done again.
After 2 months, several hospital admission, and gory procedures, I was OK. Life continued.
I prayed and waited for the miracle: every time my menstruation was late I would pray the wait would finally be over. But then, whenever the single line showed up on the pregnancy strip, I’d feel like a deflated balloon.
I have visited numerous doctors, have taken different drugs, have prayed, have fasted, have praised God and have hoped for a miracle.
I have cried to God at the altar, at redemption camp, in the toilet, in my room, at the office.
I have been asked different questions by both concerned and the regular “amebo” folk. Questions like..
– Why are you not pregnant yet?
– What are you waiting for?
– You are busy doing career things, don’t you want kids? (All because I was doing my masters)
– How many times do you make love to your husband?
And the painful question from my in-laws:
“Where are our children o?”
In all of this, I find my peace beneath the cross. I hold firm to God. I know that though it may tarry, His promise will surely come to pass. Though I cry now, I will laugh soon.
I know He is working behind the scenes for me (I got that from Yinka’s post..thank you, Yinka) giving my children the training they need to survive with me because I am not a perfect mother :).
I will keep lifting up mine eyes unto the hill from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, and He will definitely see me through (Psalm 121).
In 2013 I will rejoice and will NOT let the devil weigh me down. My redeemer lives and He will give me double for my troubles, in Jesus name. Amen.