What’s It Really All About!?

Sometimes, when passion takes over, it is good to remind oneself of what it is really all about.
Of recent, I’ve been looking at myself getting soaked into a whirlwind of the aforementioned, finding it exremely difficult to “remain holy”, to resist.

There is nothing wrong with having such feelings, I strongly believe, as they are only natural: a gift! But once totally immersed in a pool of passionate emtoions, it is hard to stop, pull over, pull back.. to not go further. Very hard, but not impossible. Thank God.

In times like these, it might not be a bad idea to take a break. Allow your body cool down, lest you break, lest you fall into sin. A brief season of separation, perhaps? A moment to reflect and remind oneself of the agreement that was made at the beginning; possibly re-affirm and confirm the promise.. and start afresh, set specific boundaries and hopefully stick to them.

And in my quest to find answers to “What’s it really all about?!” and possible ways to “distract” myself from passions, distractions, dangers.. I stumbled upon some of..

John Piper’s “Questions to Ask Before You Get Married”

  • What do you believe about…everything?
  • Discover how you form your views. What is the reasoning-believing process? How do you handle the Bible?
  • What is the meaning of headship and submission in the Bible and in our marriage?
  • How do you understand who and how often sex is initiated?
  • How many children and when?
  • What are the appropriate ways to discipline them? How many strikes before they’re . . . whatever?
  • What about school? Home school? Christian school? Public school?
  • Should we have a television? Where? What is fitting to watch? How much?
  • What makes you angry?
  • How do you handle your frustration or anger?
  • Who is the main breadwinner?
  • Should the wife work outside the home? Before kids? With kids at home? After kids?
  • View of money in general. How much to the church?
  • Should the wife work outside the home? Before kids? With kids at home? After kids?
  • What are your views of daycare for children?
  • What determines where you will locate? Job? Whose job? Church? Family?
  • Is it good to do things with friends but without spouse?
  • What will you do if one of you really likes to hang out with so and so and the other doesn’t?
  • How do you think about exercise and healthy eating?
  • What are expectations about situations where one of you might be alone with someone of the opposite sex?
  • Do you have, or have you had any, sicknesses or physical problems that could affect our relationship? (Allergies, cancer, eating disorders, venereal disease, etc.)

* * *

How much of it makes sense? Do you think asking certain questions is stretching it a bit, taking it too far? What questions are okay to ask, what questions are better left unasked? Is it right to ask certain sexual questions? How far is going/asking too far? Or is it generally best to just go with the flow? You tell me..

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. TEE says:

    In a marriage i believe i should be naked and not ashamed and the other person should feel the same. This for me can only happen when there’s complete honesty, transparency and understanding of each others wants , needs and expectations. so i guess what i’m trying to say that there is no single question or conversation that is irrelevant in the pursuit of being naked and unashamed (according to what will get thE individual there). I’ve heard people say all kinds of things like my money will be my money (women say this a lot), and it’s not bis business how many people I’ve slept with before i met him (this especially is because the women often feel ashamed and do not trust that their future husbands will not love them the same). Any and everything should be discussed pre-marriage, especially about raising your kids, the smallest issue about what a child needs or does not need can lead to so many issues. so yeah i think it is all best discussed so that everybody is on the same page , or at least you made your opinion known before hand lest anyone becomes surprised.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Thanks for your comment, Tee!
      I totally agree. But another question is WHEN do you discuss certain things?
      Wouldn’t discussing children, raising a family, the issue of adoption etc, seem pre-mature when you are just getting to know the other?
      Even if/when both of you are looking for something serious (possinly “forever”) and are not out for “fun”, wouldn’t discussing certain topics literally take the fun out of dating/courting?Iis there such a thing as the right time to discuss certain issues?

  2. what if you want to ask these questions without seeming premature. a number of them are quite probing. i mean, you like each other, there’s an assumption of intended seriousness but no definite commitment. when is it okay to ask these questions? before dating (if you are at the stage where you shouldnt date anyone you wouldnt marry anyway)…….questions that keep me up at night.

    good post!

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Thanks for stopping by!
      Guess your question is the same I asked in my response to the first comment.
      While I asked then, I shall give my opinion now lol.

      I’ve met some guys that hold very strong opinions about adoption. And so, with every guy I met thereafter, I decided to “use style” to find out where they stood on this particular topic. I’ve smartened up and found a way around “Would you adopt” now.
      I guess, with things you are not willing to compromise on at all (ie. the issue of adoption for me) it is wise to probe. On matters of less importance (preferences, rather than matters of principle) I guess one would do well to wait. There are deal-breakers, and then there are those things that are simply not preferred or pleasant- but can be managed.
      I guess for me it really is making sure (as soon as possible) that we have a good understanding (which will build MY foundation for this relationship) on matters that are of utmost importance to me.
      Whether that be his views on gender(roles), his plans for the future, his desire for children etc.
      All these answers come through: mannerism, speech, opinions etc. One must not necessarily always ask in the straightßfwd way; although at some point, it is wise to seek total clarification.

      1. preferences vs. principles,… it helps for one to decide what these are BEFORE considering a potential significant other. If not, things could get confusing.

        I think i’ll go with your point about inferring through speech and opinions for some things at first,and then clarifying at some point, hopefully soonish 🙂

  3. Sounds like a job interview to me!

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Lol, I very much agree.

      But..

      If we can ask questions prior to applying for/accepting a new job, why not when considering getting married?!
      Surely the latter must be of greater importance. 😉

  4. Moses Akinde says:

    *Deep sigh* to comment later hmmmnnn.

feel free to say something..

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