Now Between Two Choices..

During my last visit to Nigeria, my mother insisted we stopped by at a dear Pastor’s house. We did, we prayed, we left. But before we did that, he looked at me and said, “You love books. I can see you love reading. Hmmmm I’ll make sure you get some. I’ll send them through a friend. God bless.” and so we left.

He remained true to his promise: a few weeks later I received the books upon my sisters’ visit to Vienna. A bundle of roughly five books, which I put aside.. until yesterday. I picked up the first one titled, “Questions & Answers for Bachelors & Spinsters” and could not but either shake my head, cover my face, or laugh out loud.

I am not here to share much of its content, as I’d most definitely stands accused as unbeliever, but this one Q&A I will share. Don’t you worry, I’m going somewhere..

Question: I am engaged to a Christian sister for 10 years now and my fiancée is 41 years old. The problem we are facing is that her father being an unbeliever insists we should visit the ancestral shrine and give the family alcoholic drinks. I am now 42 years old; I love this sister and have strong convictions that she’s the one God has chosen for me. I am now between two choices either to go ahead and marry or pray for another Christian lady. I need your help.


Answer: You have taken things lightly and I couldn’t pick from you whether you have sought counsel from men of God, sincere Christian counselors, your own pastor or hears. The devil has only one ministry: to steal, to kill and destroy (John 10:10). Your time is being stolen from you. Stop him immediately!

We have handled quite some numbers of such problems here, and the outcome had been miraculous and successful. Satan can use parents to hinder one in life. They are to be respected but not to the extent of co-operating with them to ruin your life. As long as you remain ignorant, Satan will be happy. Stop him today.”

Needless to say, that last paragraph nailed it! Well, more like it nailed me.. to the ground! Going over and over and over again was simply not enough. I had to literally write those words down on paper and consume it.. figuratively, anyway.

They are to be respected but not to the extent of co-operating with them to ruin your life.

I really don’t know whether this could have been said any better/ differently, but rahhhh.. I am a firm believer of respecting and obeying one’s parents, but I think that final statement just summed it all up.. wisdom is the principal thing. Follow God and use some sense! I don’t know why people like hiding their inability to make solid, mature, and informed decisions behind the mantle of “obedience”. Inability is no excuse.

There are a million and one examples I could use on how “kids” have allowed their parents “rule/ruin” their lives, but today, I shall leave that to you!

How much “obedience” is too much? Is there such a thing as “thus far and no further” when it comes to bowing to your parents’ wishes and demands? Is there a respectful way of “showing disrespect”?

You tell me..

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. Sir Farouk says:

    There never is a respectful way of “showing disrespect, aside from just being diplomatic, choosing your words carefully and conveying a body language of confidence not arrogance. Lol

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      When I wrote “being disrespectful” I intentionally put it in parenthesis because we all know how all acts of disagreement are outright instances of disobedience and hence a sign of disrespect..

      1. Sir Farouk says:

        Lol, absolutely. its almost like all young people are in the army, they should “obey before question”

  2. Seyidott says:

    There are definitely respectful ways of showing non compliance with parents’ rules and regulations. I would say to each his own. Gradually i made it clear to adults in my life that i would not always do as they say, and over time, they have come to respect my opinion. It was a long hard road, and many times i wanted to give in cos there were times i was almost excommunicated from the extended family, but in the end it paid off.

    Its so bad in Nigeria where as a child you belong to the community and not just your parents. You have almost everyone poking their nose in your affairs and they still expect you to thank them afterwards for it. “Why are you not married?” Why do you have only one child? Why do you have only girls? Shouldnt you try to have another maybe this time it would be a girl? Why dont you call or visit, dont you recognise me as your uncle or aunty(Note: Their kids dont visit your parents).

    Adults that find it easy to mind their business are the exception. And by adults i mean anyone older than you. Even some spiritual leaders believe they must be obeyed to the letter.

    Bottomline: Have a mind of your own. They will always have an opinion. Listen, pick what resonates with you and drop the rest. Even if your decisions eventually turn out to be mistakes, they are at least yours to make. Accept them and move on.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Lol! Omdz.. Can is relate to “they expect you to visit them but their kids don’t visit your parents.”

      Thanks for your comment. I definitely agree with what you say! The truth is, no matter how “(dis)obedient” you are, people will sha always find sthg to talk/complain about. More so in societies that are more “we” centered than “I”. It comes with pros, cause you’ll always have some sort of “security net”, I guess.. But a grave price is being paid for that.

      As you’ve said it: sha have a mind! 🙂

  3. lol. you don’t know how real this is for me right now. I’m trying to not cross the line between respecting my mum and making a decision that affects my life

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      It is well..
      I don’t even think it’s about finding a middle way. It’s always about finding the RIGHT way. May God lead you *hug*

  4. Saying “NO” to a parent is not disrespect. Respect they say is reciprocal, so parents should learn to respect their kids decisions. It’s just like saying you should do whatever ur mother or mother-in-law tells you to do in your house. Respect them, don’t be rude, honor them. Tell them NO when needed…as long as they’re not feeding or clothing you, they don’t call the shots anymore.

feel free to say something..

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