Status: It’s complicated?
And really, as complicated as it gets; and then, not really that.
Life. Work. Relationships. Circumstances. Situations. They. You. We. I. Complexities wherever we look. It is as simple as that: complications are a vital part of life. And yet we all seek to run from them.. All the time. As often and as far as we can.
But isn’t just this what gives it all a meaning: the effort we put into things? Into life? Overcoming situations, improving ourselves, developing relationships.
It was never meant to be easy..
We’ve come to believe and indeed expect all good things to come easy. If it’s meant to be, it simply will, right? By mere intervention, fate, destiny, if it’s mine, it will come back to me.
We’ve come to claim certain blessings as rights. Having done away with the notion of labour, sweat, toil, we have lost the appreciation for and of ownership.
Over the weekend, I looked back at some of the friendships I have built. Aks anyone, I am a pro at keeping in touch with people. Relationships come easy. I share freely, generously. But when it is time to move on, I accept that as part of life.. often too freely.
But then, there are a few people I feel I cannot just let go off. Not just because I care a lot about them, but because I believe I have invested too much to just move on. People I feel I have invested too much in (care, attention, time, prayers, hopes, wishes, etc.) to just turn my back to now. And so, even when it gets too uncomfortable to stick around, I choose to. Yes, I take a conscious (rather than emotional) decision to remain.
Often, relationships get uncomfortable. We argue, have misunderstandings, do not feel like sticking around. In times like these, it is good to rationally decide to sacrifice one’s feelings for the sake of a relationship; be it a romantic or platonic one. It won’t always be comfortable!
Sometimes, we must cover the other’s shame, even when we do not feel like s/he deserves it, allows matters to be settled in the other’s favour, for the sake of peace; or keep our mouths shut and not “I told you so”-the other, simply because we understand relationships are no zero-sum game.
Often, we forget that “we are the sum” of it all. We forget that in keeping scores, we are on our partner’s side. He wins, I win. He looses, I loose. There is only one team here, the WE-team. Love was never meant to be a competition. Once it has become one, know you’re acting outside of love!
Maybe relationships are not so much about giving and/or receiving after all, maybe they are all about sharing. The sharing of time and ideas, hopes and worries, fears and wishes; both holy and unholy thoughts. And yes, as a man, even your struggles. The sharing of all things wonderful and uncomfortable.
A place of total sharing, where I take and embrace all the beautiful and ugly about you; and you about me. Where I do not select what truths to share or edit personal information for fear of being rejected o judged.
A place of total sharing, where we do not accepting each others’ failings as eternal facts, but as being part of whom I have chosen to love. Sharing in his/her pleasures and pain. Where none of the information exchanged would ever have been in vain. Being totally aware of the good and bad, yet loving him/her all-the-same.
Truth is, it will take a lot of work. Opening up and feeling totally secure about one’s nakedness (inspite of one’s own shortcomings and the other’s imperfections) might well take a lifetime, but let’s remind ourselves of the fact that.. it was never meant to be easy. If you truly care, be daring enough to share.. it all!