Just a couple of days ago I asked my friend Toyin to write something for this blog. We both love LOVE and so it came as no big surprise that it would be at the center of what she decided to share with you and me.
The wonderful thing about love, and really everything that holds some true worth, there is always enough to go around. Like food, and water, and most of life’s pleasures, very much like God Himself, you do not loose by giving away. Much on the contrary, the more you give, the more you get!
But anyway, please do read this post carefully. You might even find my finger..
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This might be more of a rant than anything else, but here it is anyway..
My friend Pinkus and I share very similar values when it comes to society , family and all that jazz. I think the main issue I have with any and all of these is that there are no real men anywhere. Okay that was a bit harsh, there are hardly any real men left (If you consider yourself a real man, please stand up)!
My theory is this: there are too many broken women today because, and this I strongly believe, there are too many broken men. It thus follows that, were there no broken men, there’d be no broken women.
In the begging God created them male and female before deciding that is was not good for man to be alone. So out of the man he took the woman, to be a help meet (comparable to him Genesis 2 v 18:22 ). All the instructions God gave, He gave to the first man (Adam) and not to the woman. He gave the instruction to the man to have dominion …. (Genesis 1:28). Anyway my point is that all the instructions God gave Adam were Adam’s responsibility to pass on to the woman.
God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden ( Eden translated to presence). Adam was, thus, in a perpetual state of being in the garden of the presence of God. The Garden is a place full of abundance. An abundance of all things good: good for trees of every kind you can think of, good for food, good for shade and pleasant to the eye (Genesis 2:9). The Garden was a place of constant comfort; a place where one did not have to toil because God dwelt there. The garden was and still is His dwelling place.
So anyway, we all know the story of how the woman was tempted by the serpent and how Adam and her were eventually cast out of the garden into the field (Genesis 3). The field represents a place of hardship, of toil, of endless labor and sweat. A place of limited good, as only herbs and grass grew there (Genesis 2:5).
You see, God’s intention was not for man to go into the field but to remain in His dwelling place (Psalm 91:1). Guess what, it happened anyway. And now we find ourselves in the field of life trying to get back into the Garden. Today, we have access into this Garden when we decide that Jesus is our Lord and Savior It is an access granted by nothing else but His work and your acceptance of it! A doorway opened through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us; thus making us part of Himself. Unlimited access into this Garden, His dwelling place, through and in Him. A finished work. Anyway, I digress..
Every man created has a purpose and a God-given vision (not ambition as these two are quite different). The vision of the family is given to the man by God and the man is meant to share this vision with his wife who is meant to submit to the man, knowing and trusting he has heard from Him. Can to work together unless they agree (Amos 3:3)? Whether you submit to him is not the question, here you have no choice. Your choice simply is who you will submit you. Choose wisely! For once you’ve chosen, submit you must. And all that you have been blessed with, in skills, abilities, knowledge, wisdom, power, influence and even wealth, becomes his to have and his to hold. A help-meet you are. Given to him as a precious gift to accomplish that very precious vision.
Now here’s the problem men: Men have failed to step out of the field and get back into the Garden!!!
Whenever I look around in church, all I see are women everywhere. I’m not saying this is a bad thing but where are all the men called to dwell in the presence of the Most High? How is man meant to lead his family if he does not have a God-given vision? A deep understanding, a conviction, of who he is, who He is, how He leads, and who he is to lead! Man has refused to come into God’s presence and has thus no real sense of who He or he is. Many men have not yet learnt or understood the love of Christ. With a lack of understanding on this very vital front, how is man now going to love woman correctly?
Women have always gone through much pain with men; mainly because men have failed to love them correctly (that is, if at all). In turn, this has more often than not left women in despair and broken. Women are often left to tend for their families (shout out to all single mothers) and have been forced to take on the role of head of the home, a role she has taken on by necessity; fitting into shoes she was never meant to walk in; playing a part she was never meant to fulfill. And so, in her need for more, she turns to Him. There must be s/Someone who loves..
And then, on the other hand we have men who do love Him, but have failed to understand how to translate that love to her. How to step out and step into His call. These are men with a love for God, who come to church but are not really in tune with God. They might have an idea, but no real understanding of their true purpose or a clear vision for their families.
Consequently, children grow up in homes where mother is the man, and father the woman. Where the wife instructs and the husband follows. Where there is no true godly leadership but an overflow of questions and the abundance of confusion. Where both mother and father feel unfulfilled and children are unsure as to how things were truly meant to be. Too many children grow up not understanding the importance of the family unit. Brothers grow up not prepared to face the world, protect women, fight for the rights of those less privileged or able to do so for themselves; unable to build and keep a home, leaving behind a legacy rather than just an inheritance; while girls grow up feeling unloved and insecure, desperate to find love wherever it announces itself; often turning (whether consciously or not) to men who remind them of somewhat better versions of their fathers. These women, having failed to break out of this cycle, naturally settle for men who do not love them correctly, having never had an understanding of what correct/true love looks like) and create a broken home, with even deeper issues. The cycle continues..
In a nutshell, what I am really saying is that there is a need for men to get back into that Garden! A move back to where He is and where you both understand and follow His instructions. Go into that Garden and remain! It is one thing to step back into it, another to stay, dwell, remain there altogether. Enter into His rest!
My prayer for every man reading this is,
May you enter into that Garden God has prepared for you. And as you dwell therein, may you fully comprehend who He is, who you in Him, and the purpose for which He has placed you here. May you find revelation and clarity of vision as you remain in His presence, and be amazed at what He will do in and for and through and with you.
May the Lord lead him who is searching to his very own bone and flesh, and may He keep the love of those who have been joined already afresh. May every man look at his very own woman, each and every morning, with a decision to love her anyway, to love her regardless of what she does or does not do or is or have, and share that unconditional love he himself has received from Him, especially within his home.
To the women out there who have been hurt by men, I say, Let it go! My prayer for you is this,
May the healing balm of the Lord (Jer. 33:6) heal you completely. May you find love and wholeness and acceptance and worth in Him, rather than him.
To the unmarried I say, choose whom you will submit to wisely! May the Lord grant you an understanding heart. I want to encourage you to do yourself a favour and choose a man who loves the Lord, who understand His will, and has consciously (not emotionally) decided to follow His way.
Do not think that you can change your husband, mold him into that perfect man, that man you are trying to convince both him and yourself he was meant to be. Do not marry someone, hoping or believing he would eventually change or that your prayers would affect anything major. Look before you leap! Let’s be real here. And in all realness, let him find and cherish you (Proverbs 18:22)!
To the married I say, bless the Lord for your husband! Support and submit to him; praise and complement him. It will make all the difference. Good or bad, he is the one He has told you to submit to. Choose to obey. Choose to do so consciously, rather than emotionally. May your prayers and your actions speak of help and support, for it is a foolish thing for a woman to destroy her own home (Proverbs 14:1).
May the Lord grant you the wisdom to build your home as a helpmeet, as a supporter. May your lives reflect the love of God and minister all the right things to those around. May you both find wholeness with, not through, each other as you both dwell in His presence and you choose to trust his leadership, not His alone! May his testimony be that “many daughters have done well, but you excel them all“!