I’m not a very particular person. I don’t really care that much.
But I can be particular about a handful of things.
Very particular, you see..
I particularly dislike jeans. Everyone knows that. That is, everyone who has ever had a deep and meaninful, life-changing and inspirational conversation with me. At the forefront of whatever topic or discussion would most likely have been the fact that I do not like jeans!
I generally don’t like them, I particularly don’t like them. It really is that simple. And no, this really has nothing to do with some childhood trauma. This is no insecurity complex, and none of those things I need to see a counselor for. I just don’t like jeans. Not on anyone, and particularly not on human beings. In fact, I kind of distrust men who wear them (once, twice, a lot). And no, this has nothing to do with some subconscious trust-issue either. I just don’t like them. Don’t you get it? My (very own and personal intimate) man will not be wearing jeans. It is nothing I will instill in him. I am not going to magically make his love for jeans disappear. Such a love will simply not exist in him. I just know it will be one of those things we will have in common. He will be (and indeed already is) smart enough to know and dress better. See what I did there? Yes, it is all about (being and) dressing smart. I can be very particular about that. Unless you work in a mine, on a rig or in the fields (whatever kind they be) you really have no excuse. No message to convey, no point to make. In fact, you don’t even have a comma!
Moving on from no-jeans.. I particularly like beards. I shall have nothing more to say about this than I did on here! And it’s really not like I don’t have much more to say on this topic, I always do. I just don’t want to get too excited right now (I’m at work)..
You see, it’s really not that hard to please me. No jeans, lots of hair? These are just preferences. You will not enter (my) hell for not agreeing to live by them. You’ll simply not get anywhere far (with me) in jeans and no beard. But you shall live (perhaps leave..). Anyway, as particular as I am about these dis/likes.. they are nowhere near my particularity for words!
Words are there for a reason, although it -more often than not- seems words have become seasonal. It was not so from the beginning! Words must be particular, specific, intentional!
They have been defined (note: you are not to make the definition of an already existent word, based on your mood/desire/attempt to think outside the box) and must hence be applied within the framework of the specific, according to their definition. Just like human life itself, words exist for a reason, with a very specific purpose, and must be used meaningfully. Show words some respect!
I really do not have much regard for people who use them loosely and thoughtlessly. It is rude. Yes! It is simply extremely rude.
People say I talk a lot (at times) and go on wondering why that which I speak still makes so much sense. You see, the trick really is to think faster and further -and hopefully deeper- than you speak!
It really isn’t so much about the amount of words that come out of your mouth, as it is about their quality. Wisdom here is key. Wisdom is always key. Wisdom is the key!
I’m afraid (not literally, naturally) I do not have any advice on how to acquire it, but perhaps educating oneself, fearing God, praying/asking for knowledge, and seeking to apply it appropriately, might help. I really don’t know. Not wanting to blow my own horn, I don’t have much experience in being foolish. Maybe sinful, yes, but a person void of useful knowledge? Not really..
However, I have been exposed to such a few who have embarrassed themselves, and in essence shared their mental/intellectual nakedness by uttering rather unwise words. Not that much harm was done.. but at times, you really do not need to say anything.
Another thing I particularly dislike are nonsensical words, phrases, sentences, statements.. as they have no effect, make no impact (whether positive or negative) and are pretty much useless, redundant, a waste of the proverbial space.
They are, what God would call, “lukewarm, neither hot nor cold; and so I shall spit [them] out..”
Spitting them out, not in the sense of speaking them out (rapping or rhyming) but literally getting rid of them, doing away with them, distancing yourself from them. It is an act of separation.
It’s hard (not literally, here, but rather difficult) to grasp (in the sense of understanding) what I am saying (writing) when we’ve become so used to using words as we please and have thus caused messages to be misunderstood, misinterpreted. I am sure the misuse (not misinterpretation) of words has been the sole cause of many a wars.
Apart from nonsensical words, there are those words that just make all the difference. Be it good or bad, hot or cold, you know they were there, spoken, uttered; and now things have (or are about to) change/d. Often these words are not deep, they are not complex, they are surprisingly simple. And yet, they have the power to change it all: the course of a relationship, the course of one’s life.
Oh, you need examples? I shall offer you a few..
- Someone disappoints you (to whatever extent) for the second time in a 10-year-long relationship/friendship; and so today it is “You are such an unreliable and untrustworthy person.”
- You are having a factual conversation with someone and do not agree with his point of view. “Why are you always so defensive?”
- Having listened to advice and having weighed your options, you choose to go ahead with a specific plan. “Why don’t you ever listen to correction? Why do you always think you know better?”
- Husband comes back late from work; is obviously hungry, tired, worn out, and simply needs to relax. Wife, “You are always so grumpy and in such a bad mood. I’m tired of it. You never care about how I feel!”
- A friend cannot create time to see you or speak with you and you are obviously hurt. “You are never there when I need you.”
- You really should have known better but this time you acted foolishly. And so, it is, “Gosh, you always make such stupid mistake. Whatever happened to common sense?”
- Knowing s/he could do with some encouragement, you decide to offer some (unsolicited) advice. Totally irritated, “You never have anything productive to say.”
So how else do you do it? How do you tell the person what you think/feel particularly about something s/he just did or said? Well, once again, out of the generosity and goodness of my heart, I shall share a very vital trick with you: the point is not to attack the other’s entire character, but voice your dislike re: the particular behaviour/action. It is not so much about the person, as it is about what what s/he might have done, right? Then say it so.
- “You are usually so reliable. You coming late (not doing this/ doing that) is so out of character. What happened?”
- “I appreciate you having your own opinion but I (obviously) do not agree with this one. Anyway..”
- “Well, you sure think you know better this time around.”
- “You’re obviously in a bad mood tonight. I don’t like it but okay, I’ll leave you.”
- “I was really hurt you didn’t have any time when I called you last night/ yesterday. I really needed someone to talk to.”
- “I know you mean well but what you just said wasn’t very helpful at all.”
See the difference? It isn’t about agreeing. It is about saying whatever needs to be said without insulting the person’s character. It is about referring to a particular instance. The words “never” and “always” are those to words one should ever only use in relation to God.
And no! Whatever you were about to say here, No. No veto. No explanations. No excuses. I’m sure you get what I am saying. You simply have to. I want to believe I did not create room enough for an argument. I argued my case and I argued it well. Let’s not be legalistic.
Most of us are not that bad. We can take instructions and hopefully submit ourselves to suggestions for corrections and improvements. Most of us love ourselves enough to want to do and be better: the development of character.
What we should, however, never have to submit ourselves to is being in a place of constantly having our character ridiculed or belittled. I might have personal flaws (as do you, as does she, as do they) but when it goes as far as questioning and debasing my persona, it goes too far. Oh, you didn’t mean it? Right..
Point is, we all have emotions and we all have a sense.
Whatever made us think we had to choose between the two? Surely our bodies are -literally and metaphorically speaking- big enough to contain them both. Whatever made us believe that the inclusion of one had to exclude the other? Surely we can find a way of using and expressions emotions with sense? Wisdom here is key.
Let’s not use one as an excuse for the other. Let’s stop blaming our emotions for our lack of shown sense; and our sense for our lack of expressed emotions. These two can work well together, if only we let them. Let’s all try harder..