The Different Levels of (AB)Normal(ity)

Alright, so the weirdest thing ever happened to me on Tuesday.
Well, weirdest thing is probably exaggerated; however, it all did look and sound and feel very very strange indeed.

A friend and I were supposed to watch a movie on Tuesday and agreed to meet up well before the movie. Long story short, I got there about 10 mins to 7 pm; and realizing I was the early one, decided check up on his whereabouts. He, who said he would finish work around 5 pm and make his way down to The Palms straight from his office in VI, hadn’t shown up by 7 pm. “I’m almost there. Just wait” he said, okay.
His “I’m almost here, you’ll see me soon” turned into another 10, 15, 20 mins wait. Having waited for 40 mins in total, I decided it was time to go home. Forty mins was a reasonable amount of time to wait for anyone, after-all. Or was it not? 40 mins of my life I would never get back.

As I walked down the stairs and towards the entrance, I saw him strolling comfortable. He caught my eyes and quickened his steps..

“Hey, let’s go.”
I looked at him and smiled, “Sorry but I think I’m just gona go home. I’m tired now.”
“No oo. Let’s go now. Ah ah.”
“Nah, I’m tired, and to be honest, I’m not even in the mood for a movie anymore.”
Dragging me towards the person he had come with, he repeated,
“Yinka, let’s go now. Meet my boss. Come, let’s go see that movie now.”
Walking towards the other guy, I shook him and smiled, “Hi!”Turning back to my friend, I repeated,
“I’m serious though, I’m not going for that movie anymore. I’m going home.”
“Ah ah, what’s that? Don’t embarrass me in front of my boss now.”
“Seriously? Am I supposed to be worried about that? See, I’m sorry but I’m really not in the mood for any movie anymore. I’ll see you tomorrow (at church).”

And as he walked away upset, I made my way home.
I’m a very simple person. We wanted to go cinema. I waited for 40 mins and got tired. He came. We did not see the movie. Life goes on. We are still friends. I am that simple.

I wished others were too..

Getting to church yesterday, our eyes met. I smiled. No hard feelings, right? Wrong! He eyed me and looked away. Surely he was joking. Surely not!
Having tried to say “Hi” twice but realizing he wasn’t joking with the shunning, I decided to walk up to him and ask, him “What’s up?

Shouting, it now came to his friends who were standing by, “Ah ah, this girl should leave me alone now!

I stood staring for a few seconds, started laughing out of shock, and walked away. “Okay oh..

Now, I’ve ever O felt embarrassed in my life, it was last night! This was someone I was not close to, not in the least interested in. Someone I would not be friends with, were we not members of the same church; someone I thought might just be cool to hang out with. Someone who said we should chill at the cinema. Someone who had shown disrespect by keeping me waiting for 40 minutes just the day before and not even apologizing; and someone who- finding nothing else to do- deemed it fit to rudely shout at me publicly, thus causing a ridiculous scene. If ever I felt embarrassed it was last night.

I’m not a proud person. I’ll hang out and chill with you, I’ll be your friend.. if I can walk/work with you. Of recent I have realized that my friendship and time is a privilege I too will protect and guard. After all, I cannot expect others to respect me, my time; if I do not myself.

Two people’s comments on what had transpired were,
“Ah, but 40 minutes is not a long time now..”
“Hmm.. okay, but even if he didn’t apologize, you could have asked him to, and then just go to the movie anyway..”

I stood confused. Was that really advice I could reasonably take? People I should ever listen to? Courtesy and manners have it that you either apologize when wrong, keep quiet or at the very least do not insult the one you’ve just offended.
The Christian thing for me to do was to simply overlook the offence, having made it clear that what had happened was unacceptable, and move on.
However, I now stood, being accused of lacking Christian love. I laughed.. Really?

Of recent, I’ve found that life is really not that complicated. And more so, I will not have others complicate mine. I’ve found that- even within the body- just as it is wherever you find human beings and relationships- you will not and can not and indeed shall not be unequally yoked. Whether it be a yoking of bodies, minds or manners.
People used to tell me I wasn’t normal. I was told that the fact that I could wake up one day and shave off my hair wasn’t normal. That the fact the fact that I would speak my mind in public, as I would privately, wasn’t normal. I lacked decency. I guess it all depends on definitions after-all. Perhaps.
You see, I like things done properly. There are such things as preferences, and such things as principles. I’m not unreasonable, in nothing I do. I understand one can be late, one often is late. Do the right thing: inform the person waiting. There are some things you give that you will never get back. Time is one of such. If I give you my time, I offer you a vital part of myself, my life, that I can never claim back. Don’t you understand?

Well, as a mature human, I pray you’ll at least learn that. As a friend, you better..

However, one must accept that there are people one can be “Christian brothers” with, but not really friends. And others, though not in or of the same faith, friends. I’m not trying to influence anyone negatively, never that! On the contrary.. I guess I’m trying to bring an awareness of the simple truth that not all you pray with, you can play with.

I really don’t know how to define “normal”, I just know that many of the things I do, especially in relationships of whatever kind, are abnormal. They are abnormal if indeed a lack of manners and courtesy has become the norm.

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. rachel says:

    I mean all I’m saying is that you inform me if you’re going to be late/or update me about you whereabouts, so I can go or something. Don’t keep mute. That’s all. Simple as ABC.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Ohoo.. shey you get! Pff…

  2. Anonymous says:

    “Of recent, I’ve found that life is really not that complicated. And more so, I will not have others complicate mine. I’ve found that- even within the body- just as it is wherever you find human beings and relationships- you will not and can not and indeed shall not be unequally yoked. Whether it be a yoking of bodies, minds or manners.”

    I completely agree… Thank you!

  3. LOL! Oh my goodness you are obviously better off not knowing this person, Christian behavior or not. Shey if he had begged well after 40 mins it would have even soothed a bit. I am kept waiting often and I really dont mind but they always apologise, like i would if it were me.
    People are different sha…

  4. Mikel Egusi says:

    Na wah! People can be silly.
    He should have apologised. 40mins?! – He is lucky. 30mins is even pushing it. Then he acts like you’re the one being unrerasonable? Sorry you had to go thru all that…especially the incident at church. His ego is just eerr! And he is worried how he’d look in front of is boss.

    The fact that you turned up 40mins late to a pre-arranged appoint is an embarrassment in itself.

    Don’t mind them Yinkus.

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      *not minding them*

      Mikeligbokwenuozi!! How have you been?
      It’s been such an awefully long time 😦

      1. Mikel Writes says:

        I’ve been good! I dey!
        e don tey! How is lasgidi? lol
        I met Debo!! at the Notting Hill Carnival. I nearly melted that day!!
        Ps, I just started a new blog.
        This one I will take seriously!

        1. DeMorrieaux says:

          Lol.. only time will tell!

  5. shOx says:

    Blog post – fab as always.
    Feelings right now – coming over to naij, attending your church, finding this guy and giving him a holy ghost slap for embarassinng my sis…mcheeeeew

    Love w/ discipline!!!

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Lol *hug*

      Sho, you haven’t sent any pics still! Argggggh

  6. Mikel Writes says:

    Reblogged this on Read, Feel, Appreciate and commented:
    People these days!

  7. My first time on your blog and I LOVE this post! So honest and open – on point. One of my pet peeves is people who are late. Or ALWAYS late. Just tell the truth and say, “I am running late will be there in 30 mins”. Not, in 5 mins, which comes out to be 20 or 40! You have patience, I would not wait 40 minutes unless I was informed and knew why I was waiting. Will be back to read more on your blog. xoxox

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Haha.. Thank you!
      But yea, I’ve learnt no to overdo this patience of a thing. Sometimes it makes sense to set clear boundaries and just stick to them.. Not every day flexible :/

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