No Longer Chasing..

I dreamt about him last night.
Yes, him.
Again.

But this time,
I woke up differently.
Indifferent.
Having given up a night for him,
I refused to give him a(ny more) moment(s) of my day(s).
Determinedly.

No longer chasing.

And so I thought about things I would rather think of.
Consciously making the effort to blot him out of my sub-conscience.
And leave him there: right in the cold, outside.

I thought about the things I desired.
The things I could have.
The things that would have me.

And I counted the days..
From the day I handed in my notice.
Today.
Until my last.

Unemployed.
Unchased.
Free.

Now with ample time on my hands,
I would think about chasing the things that would not chase me away.
My dreams and desires that wanted me, as much as I wanted them.
That longed to be birthed, brought to life, as much as I wanted to deliver them.

I thought about the adventures lying ahead.
Friends and a lover I would not have to chase.
That would not chase me.

The beauty of abandoning all chasings and chastisements, and simply walking free.
No more running, toiling, hiding. What a pretty place to be.
Carelessly strolling hand-in-hand with the things I find endearing.

…but will this truly ever be me?

We’ll see..

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Permission to reblog this please??

    1. DeMorrieaux says:

      Little one, you’re always permitted to.
      Permissions granted ad infinitum et ultra 🙂

  2. Reblogged this on Before She Implodes and commented:
    This spoke to me…this blogger is always in my head btw.
    She called me “little one” lol…I am over joyed

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