I dreamt about him last night.
But this time,
I woke up differently.
Having given up a night for him,
I refused to give him a(ny more) moment(s) of my day(s).
No longer chasing.
And so I thought about things I would rather think of.
Consciously making the effort to blot him out of my sub-conscience.
And leave him there: right in the cold, outside.
I thought about the things I desired.
The things I could have.
The things that would have me.
And I counted the days..
From the day I handed in my notice.
Until my last.
Now with ample time on my hands,
I would think about chasing the things that would not chase me away.
My dreams and desires that wanted me, as much as I wanted them.
That longed to be birthed, brought to life, as much as I wanted to deliver them.
I thought about the adventures lying ahead.
Friends and a lover I would not have to chase.
That would not chase me.
The beauty of abandoning all chasings and chastisements, and simply walking free.
No more running, toiling, hiding. What a pretty place to be.
Carelessly strolling hand-in-hand with the things I find endearing.
…but will this truly ever be me?