Sometimes it’s really nice to bump into an old friend or long-lost/gone acquaintance.
To catch up, to bond, to simply continue where you left off.
To forget how long it has been since you spoke last and simply reconnect; rekindle the friendship that once was so strong and see if you can perhaps strengthen that bond again.
Sometimes it’s really just best to let sleeping dogs rest.
Especially when you remember why that dog was put to rest in the first place.
A couple of days ago I was made aware of the “other inbox” on Facebook; and when rummaging through the messages, I realized that some where as old as 2 years! Be it as it may, I started responding and apologizing for my 2-year late reply. One of these messages was from Lady C, an old friend of mine. Actually, the first of my ancient two and only best friends – as a matter of fact: the closest friend – I ever had. Those who went to any of the many secondary schools with me will know her. Perhaps, one day you will know her too.. The infamous Lady C.
As many awesome times we shared together and experiences we created for ourselves – spanning anywhere from the most amazing to the most laughable and ridiculous – we had extreme low moments.
Moments so painful, so hurtful, they totally destabilized me.
Moments that crushed my heart, put me in serious trouble, brought be into the courtroom.
Perhaps one day I shall bear it all.
As much as we were seen as the ultimate dreamteam, our friendship ultimately did not survive the many lies, deceptions, and numerous betrayals.
I was happy and excited, yet cautious when she replied just a few moments later.
Having exchanged a few sentences summarizing where in the world we currently were and what we were up to, I sighed when eventually realizing how little had actually changed since we saw last five years earlier..
Oh, you know, I was actually in Vienna last month and I bumped into someone who told me you had children now. I told him you were probably just babysitting; but.. is it true? Do you have kids now.?
Now, to most people this would probably just found like a joke. Like she was trying to be funny, pull my leg? Or, well maybe she really was in Vienna and someone really said that to her?
No; and no.
This was good ol’ Catherine.
Just as her rumours, stories and lies had gotten me into serious trouble 14 years ago, she was once again trying to stirr up something, someone; me. Mentally taking me back to when her lies landed my in the courtroom, and her stories nearly broke up my church and family, I wondered (but for a second) what she was trying to achieve.
The old me would have asked her details: when? where? who? why? but the wiser me simply laughed it off, telling her I was both man- and child-less for now..
On first thought I wondered whether this was a friendship I could dedicate myself to again. I asked myself whether I had the desire or time to start to constantly second-guess and double-check her statements again, to watch my back, to be über-selective with my words.
And so, on second thought, I decided that it was not; quickly unfriending her again. We weren’t friends and wouldn’t be for yet a while, I concluded.
You see, what I have learnt over the years and especially over the past couple of months, is to be more careful with my heart, my mind, my circle of friends. I never was. Like a public park, I simply always let any- and everyone in, regardless of who they were, where they came from, what they wanted, and what their intentions were. I was as much an open field, as I am an open book.
But this openness -more often than not- reduced me to a playing ground. One open which one could toss my bally heart to and fro, however and whereever to one pleased.
But I have learnt the art of selecting whom to share my time and mind with more carefully now. As much as we like to see ourselves as influencers, every single one of us is influenced by someone/something to some degree. Be it a situation, an experience, a person.
Although we cannot always control it all, there is a certain degree of power we have been endowed with; and that is opening and shutting certain doors.
I haven’t mastered that art yet, but I am developing and perfecting it one step at a time..